Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I've been horribly sick with a stomach virus. Six hours ago, I asked my husband to go to the store and get me a few things that would help ease my misery. He's still in bed and I'm cleaning the house in between bouts of vomiting. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML
Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having painful surgery, so I decided to make him a nice big breakfast. As I was taking it up to him, I heard a message on the phone. It was from one of his nurses. She was accepting his offer of a date. FML
Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Open the bathroom door, point at the toilet, and say, "There's your ******* dinner. Bon appetit, asshole."
perdix 31
"A steaming bowl of RRRRALPH!"
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Comments (76)
perdix 31
"A steaming bowl of RRRRALPH!"
Kn0wledge123 21
LOL WIN. ^_^
alliewillie 22
family guy FTW!
jessecax 0
tell him to make himself a sammich. you're not his bitch.
corrinaswan 0
I kno guys are jerks sometime think woman only good for cookin cleaning and sex and think they are better at everything
SCREAM4meeee 0
Untrue! I myself am male, and am quite talented at two of those things. Care to guess which ones? :)
GrahamAker 3
actually niether. lol jk she wouldn't have gotten sick if she stayed in the kictchen. :P
guestxxx 0
cooking and cleaning?
iSpasticFantasti 14
#72 Sex and thinking you're better than everyone? x]
Vita_1 30
Making sandwiches and being a bitch?
oliveindamiddle 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
sure sounds like OP's not heaving a great day. punny. lolz.
ShelbyyCakess 0
puke in a bucket and give it to him. tasty.
esy7flx 0
WIN :))
DocBastard 40
Open the bathroom door, point at the toilet, and say, "There's your ******* dinner. Bon appetit, asshole."
oliveindamiddle 0
this is so cruel, but I love it.
mk58 31
Just what the husband deserves!
you_freak 7
Win!
at1325 0
I have not seen very many comments from you lately, Doc. Good to see your work again.
MerrikBarbarian 9
my thoughts 100%
NaoPudding 8
Puke in a bowl and tell him you made him some fresh homemade soup.
sarah_cheverie 0
Grossssss xD
xbriix 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
order dominoes, you're still capable of doing that. Stupid ****, ydi.
mynda1250 0
pwned
RedPillSucks 33
Unless she's married to a quadriplegic, I think the husband is capable of ordering his own pizza. If I'd have said that to my wife, i would have been pulling her foot out of my ass while she was still puking.
endlessman 0
this fml isn't about food dip shit
capitalone 0
tell him it's still cooking... in the toilette
xdust 4
What did you make?
iceicebaby24 0
Tell him yes, and that you're siting right in front of it (the vomit in the toliet, for you slower ones)