Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I slightly opened my eyes during it and saw him with his eyes wide open, watching TV. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML
Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML
Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML
Today, I began to sign "I love you" to my boyfriend from across the room. I ended up just poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML
Today, I was watching a romantic comedy at my boyfriend's house. During the make out scene, I decided to go in for a kiss. He apparently decided to belch at the same time. I could taste it. FML
Today, my boyfriends mom walked in on us having sex. She is partially blind so she couldn’t tell what was going on. She had a full conversation while he was still inside me. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
He's multi-tasking!
lifeis4me 20
My history teacher once said “If you’re driving and kissing a pretty girl at the same time, one of those things isn’t getting the right amount of attention.” Given that you noticed his eyes were open, I’m sure you know which thing he was giving more attention to
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
He's multi-tasking!
lifeis4me 20
My history teacher once said “If you’re driving and kissing a pretty girl at the same time, one of those things isn’t getting the right amount of attention.” Given that you noticed his eyes were open, I’m sure you know which thing he was giving more attention to
Brightside86 31
what if the girl isn't pretty though?
BurnInDemonFire 39
You know the saying: Don't get mad, get even.
Brightside86 31
and some people say men can't multi task.
Bill Carrier 4
Easy solution to both problems. First, sign up for a martial arts class of your choice with your soon to be former “best friend “. Don’t let on that you know anything about the affair. After the first Class or maybe even during the class if you’re chosen to spar together beat him senseless. Afterward act like you got carried away but don’t apologize. Secondly, go home and confront your soon to be “former fiancée” about the affair and take the rings back and kick her out. Third, text your former “best friend “ and tell him that you’re former fiancé was feeling guilty and threw him under the bus and admitted to cheating on you with him. Call him later (don’t text this part) Threaten him with a real beating for what he did to have ruined your relationship. Now you have accomplished four important things. You got rid of the cheating fiancé, you gave the former “best friend “ a righteous beating that you can’t be legally charged with. You have dumped your former best friend. You ruined his chances of having a relationship with the former fiancé because he now thinks that she threw him “under the bus” with her guilty conscious confession. And finally you have scared him by “accidentally” beating him in class because you got carried away. And with threatening him on the phone call he has no witnesses to your threat. Congratulations, you will be “living in his head rent free” for a very long time. It goes without saying never follow through with your threat of violence. And live happily ever after.