Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I've been horribly sick with a stomach virus. Six hours ago, I asked my husband to go to the store and get me a few things that would help ease my misery. He's still in bed and I'm cleaning the house in between bouts of vomiting. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML
Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having painful surgery, so I decided to make him a nice big breakfast. As I was taking it up to him, I heard a message on the phone. It was from one of his nurses. She was accepting his offer of a date. FML
Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Open the bathroom door, point at the toilet, and say, "There's your ******* dinner. Bon appetit, asshole."
perdix 31
"A steaming bowl of RRRRALPH!"
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Comments (76)
RavenRiot 0
lol
sterlingarcher 1
LMFAO!! :)
Hotlanta 5
hahaha husband 1 wife 0!! he won't be getting any for a while
Flash8bro 0
lol
sarah_cheverie 0
Dare I say 'lol'?
josh5634 0
lol :D i saved the trouble
sarah_cheverie 0
Thankyouthankyou.
TurnpikeTwister 0
you should eat what you made for him, throw it up onto a platter, and serve with garnish
littlemissFYL 5
he's probably sick too bitch!
aquariusangel420 0
I would just divorce him and take all of his money if the ASSHOLE is gonna be that way and not take care of you the **** HIM he can make his own damn dinner every nite for the rest of his life
some_shit 0
damn 93!!!! you would divorce your spouse over one comment? I would hate to ever have any association with you,
JacksonCampbell 9
You shouldn't even bother with marriage, then. And be glad that this isn't 1940. Back then, your only job would've been to stay home and make dinner for the hubby when he comes back from work. Also, you couldn't even wear pants. Yeah.
Jonny_Trump 0
Actually women started entering the workforce in the 40's. So that wouldn't be too horrible. And yeah, 93, way to go overboard. Plus, unless he cheated on her with another woman, she'd get half of their shared possessions, not everything. Which could be a loss for her if she makes more than him. :/
dragon0000 7
for lil miss sunshine u really crapped on the mood-.-
dragon0000 7
88 I was telling it to 88
kelardy 11
dry heaving means your not puking out anything but bile from your stomach made up of acid that can eat away at almost anything
kristledaigle 0
I would've told him to go make his dam dinner
brenz1126 0
*damn *exits quickly to avoid flaming bags of shit being thrown at him for being a grammar nazi*
CryMoreFMLs 15
Never fear, shit blocker 2.0 is here!
FMLsOhilarious 6
#41 lol. I can be a grammar nazi too.
CheckMyProfile 17
what did you made him for dinner?
ButtRaep 0
a sandwich
KJLD5 0
hah. * exits quickly to avoid the not funny jokes and trolls trolling. teh nommss
blaine72 0
*sammich
HighAsTheStars 0
seriously?! it's damN !!
CaughtChaLookin 0
lol
i13Zero 5
Sandvich you mean?
Kensei19 0
lol sounds like why are you out of the kitchen jokes but that does suck
borkchop1992 15
well? what did you make?
avatar0810 15
sexist jerk. women are people too you idiot.
Kn0wledge123 21
I'm pretty sure he was joking 24. You know, "ha-ha"?
LifeSucksbtw 0
24 ur a ******* idiot. calm ur ****. it was obviously a ******* joke.
CitrusGirl 0
I'm a feminist. And that was a great joke. If you hate even GOOD sexist jokes you need to get over yourself.
climbthoserocks 6
woah calm down now.
staceysgenesis16 0
haha i wudda told him to fuhk off and make his own or ask him to bring me a bowl so i could throw up in it .. he could eat that ..
doom2 8
what a jerk.. tell him to get his own dinner since you're not feeling well.
dantheman1988 0
if shes only dry heaving shes not really sick. sounds to me like shes looking for an excuse to shirk her womanly responsibilities.
abceasyas123abc 12
How sympathetic of him.. What an ass.
MrFlintstone 5
should have went into the kitchen and barfed in his soup
Flash8bro 0
bwahahaha! that would be really disgusting, yet really awesome at the same time :D
ChibiGirl5 0
yea perfect
soketgo 0
that wouldve been something new...
69_jackson_69 0
Umm... Curb Stomp.