Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having painful surgery, so I decided to make him a nice big breakfast. As I was taking it up to him, I heard a message on the phone. It was from one of his nurses. She was accepting his offer of a date. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was recovering from an operation. After I felt better, I checked my phone. There were 35 missed calls and angry text messages from my boyfriend asking why I wasn't at his house to cook his dinner. FML
Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML
Today, after three days of hospital camping with my very sick husband, he was finally out of danger when I left last night to get my first good night's sleep in almost 96 hours. He woke me at 5 a.m. with a phone call asking me to bring him comic books because he's bored. FML
Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML
Today, I was asked out by a friend of mine. He's a doctor and works at a prestigious hospital, so thinking we would eat somewhere special, I got all dressed up. We ended up eating at his hospital's cafeteria, because he gets a small employee discount. FML
Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML
Today, my fiancé — a top chef — called me at work to make sure I would be home on time for the extra special dinner he'd prepared for me. The occasion, as I later discovered, was the end of our engagement. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the doctor's for an ultrasound, as I'm 7 months pregnant. Then he went home and took his wife out to dinner for her birthday. FML
Today, I'm on bed rest after a major surgery. I can walk to the bathroom but can barely raise my hands. At the hospital, my mom gave this dramatic speech of being there whenever I needed her. When I asked her to come make me breakfast, she didn’t show up til noon then complained I was in a bad mood. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he was going to take me out somewhere special, so I called in sick for work. Turns out he had made reservations for the restaurant I worked at. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Looks like he's gonna need more surgery after you shove that nice big breakfast up his ass.
kfchicken 31
to be fair if it was a major surgery he might have been really high and not meant any of it. medical grade anesthesia is no joke. if he's never given you reason to worry before I don't see this warranting more than a serious talk.
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Comments (7)
RichardPencil 32
Looks like he's gonna need more surgery after you shove that nice big breakfast up his ass.
John Nemeth 14
Shove it up his ass. Send him to the nurse with a note that says “Here I made breakfast for the both of you. You’ll find it up my ex husbands ass”
kfchicken 31
to be fair if it was a major surgery he might have been really high and not meant any of it. medical grade anesthesia is no joke. if he's never given you reason to worry before I don't see this warranting more than a serious talk.
Sara Niemantsverdriet 12
Could be anaesthetic recovery and painkillers though, so I wouldn't be going too crazy until you get more information. Last time I had a general anaesthetic I kept begging for someone to bring me a banana smoothie afterwards. Two problems with this: I'm lactose intolerant and I can't stand banana, to the point that even the smell makes me want to vomit. I have no memory of this happening and wouldn't believe it if my sister hadn't taken a voice recording of it.
Gemfez 17
🤣
Jonkbaby 23
dump his as!!
Jonkbaby 23
threesome?
DarkAngelsBlade 25
First off, she's unprofessional as hell, secondly, maybe he was still under the effects of anesthesia or meds when he asked?