Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long, 12-hour drive. FML
Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
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Top comments
Yarrachel 16
Just throw up on him, that'll teach him.
narkui 10
Nice husband you got there;)
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Comments (128)
perdix 31
He'll quit after the first shart.
Namesuhate11 0
Or when she pukes on his butt hole
marilyn2012 0
Lol that's kinda funny well the following u part but I wud definetly kick him or something wat a jerk..lol
Clamcreepy 7
I guess he really wants to blow you away
caitybear32 0
When hes sleeping, you just "crack one off" right is his face and see how he likes that
bizarre_ftw 22
Don't run to bathroom, puke on him next time Btw, you're married to Peter Griffin?
tennis06 7
dutch oven?
bubo_fml 11
Next time he spreads his cheeks to beef, insert a wine cork up his jacksee!
MaceFaceLOL 8
Your sick.
japtch 15
65- You're*
MaceFaceLOL 8
An ass.
MaceFaceLOL 8
Dump his ass. If he is going to treat you like that in your worst condition then you don't need him.
japtch 15
Why would she "dump" the man who will be her babies father? Especially for farting.
MaceFaceLOL 8
I don't know where you are from but farting on women is generally frowned upon in modern society. And just because he is the kids dad does not mean she is automatically his wife for the rest of there lives.
Krulin 8
Lmao are you serious kid? "You know, I think I'd be better off leaving the man I loved enough to marry, and raise my kid in a broken single-parent household barely on the edge of poverty because he farted in my face a few times. That'll show him."
MaceFaceLOL 8
Clearly I am just kidding by the way I put JKing at the end of all my messages LOLOL get back in the kitchen XD
DeOilers 9
Can I not read or something? I don't see "JKing" anywhere.
MaceFaceLOL 8
Thank you for using your brain ^^
The_Hitdude 12
...what?
cooLING 0
Stop trying to sound coherent and logical...it just isn't working for you.
MaceFaceLOL 8
Oh I was done with these faggets last night.
RoseCrystal 17
next time he tries that, pop him straight in the nuts and then laugh at his pain. what an ass hat.
ravenxcorvinus 9
wow OP your husband must really want you to puke on his ass O.o what an odd fetish!