Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long, 12-hour drive. FML
Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
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Top comments
Yarrachel 16
Just throw up on him, that'll teach him.
narkui 10
Nice husband you got there;)
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Comments (128)
evilplatypus 39
You know what's also funny? Kick him in the nuts.
taytaylal 11
Throw up and make him clean it up.
iwadasn 33
Wow. Sounds like he's got a lot of growing up to do before he's ready to be a father.
FR05TY 9
FR05TY does not approve
badcompany2205 1
Punch him in his testy's...I know I would stop if my jewels were mashed.
marquette10 0
Apparently...idk if this is true since I heard it from a friend that's always sarcastic...that if someone farts in your face u get pink eye...
japtch 15
You, sir, are gullible.
jacquay09 3
No he isn't, you can get pink eye from exposure to fecal matter in the eye. Farting releases some fecal matter...
DarkRemorse 1
Throw up on him :)
SoultheWolf 19
Next time he does it throw up on him, I garentee it will make him stop.
CaptainPickles72 18
Oh your god! That is such a great idea! Where did you get it? From the dozens of other people who said it before you?
brun12 1
Wow, your husband sounds like a jackass
Colonel_Lexi 18
A Falcon Punch to the balls outta set him straight!