Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long, 12-hour drive. FML
Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
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Top comments
Yarrachel 16
Just throw up on him, that'll teach him.
narkui 10
Nice husband you got there;)
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Comments (128)
JohnnyxViet 0
well at least he didn't put his ******** on your face and call you squidward.
Bigboned38 0
He's acting like s dick, punch him in the balls
vturbz91 0
Aha ya punch him in the balls and make him throw up
Kage336 2
My boyfriend thought that was funny too when I was in my first trimester...especially in the car when the window on my side wouldn't roll down.
lovertolover 4
So vomit in a pair of his favourite shoes.
LoonyKev 0
You married Krusty the Clown ??
Redoxx_fml 22
What is he Peter Griffin?
Namesuhate11 0
*beats the shit out of husband, then looks back* "Roadhouse"
himynamesholly 0
he can give you pink eye doing that.
j_cat187 20
No he can't
Angelrose2004 17
Is that a "Knocked Up" reference? Such an awesome movie!
CaptainPickles72 18
But I thought you got brown eye from people farting in your face! O.o
jacquay09 3
95- You can definitely get pink eye from someone farting in your face. I'm just saying...
MaceFaceLOL 8
95-I am blown away from how ignorant your comment was, do not make medical falsifications unless you have a P.H.D in anything related to infections.
Krulin 8
So you're saying it's OK for someone with PHDs to make up lies about medication?
MaceFaceLOL 8
I said unless you have a PHD don't say things you don't actually know.
artmastr 0
Tell him your going to divorce him and give him full custody if he doesn't knock it off.
agm77 9
That's so ****** up. My husband did the exact same thing to me when I was pregnant. I ended up puking on him and he never did it again.
marilyn2012 0
Haha!
ShelboTron 0
Crack him in the nuts the next time he gets in your face. I can bet he won't do it again.