Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long, 12-hour drive. FML
Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
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Top comments
Yarrachel 16
Just throw up on him, that'll teach him.
narkui 10
Nice husband you got there;)
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Comments (128)
jambajj 0
It's rip one not crack one duh
xgetxbentx 13
Talk to your doctor about anti nausea medicine. I can't remember if it's phenagran or zofran that you can take while pregnant, but I know they can give you something.
darbygirl9 1
Barf on him
nplatinum 4
Since pregnant women are gassy, let him fall asleep and put his head under the blankets so he wakes up to a Dutch oven! Haha!
06rubiandrea_fml 5
Congratulations! You are married to an asshole and you allowed him to reproduce...Well done OP!
mrssuarez2011 12
.......and you want him to be the father of your child?
Ugi 27
This is highly unpleasant and I feel for you very much. I confess, however, that I can't help finding it damned funny! FYL and I hope he didn't persist for too long. You always have the nuclear option of threatening to throw up on him - but you can't bluff so only threaten it if you will actually go through with it!
takenover 15
And some day (hopefully soon) you can have some fun time paying him back for farting in your face.
marisadc79 0
Wow way to be supportive during the pregnancy. Undo stress and upset isn't good for a fetus. Maybe he needs to grow up and stop being a kid before his arrives.
dustyb555 1
That's just wrong and childish.