Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML
Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML
Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML
Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML
Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML
Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML
Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML
Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML
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Top comments
Holybatman 16
Did you shake Jeffrey Junior's hand?
NOWAYJOSE 14
Well, make friends with both of them!
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Comments (202)
brinagurl 1
I hope you can change roommates!!
Jimster1712 0
Was it big?
silver0jay 11
At least you passed that awkward moment of not knowing anyone
xlord 27
I love how OPs are now making puns "long semester" lol :D
flagg1888 3
How rude!! He didn't name his testicles!!
CookieMonstr19 0
This'll be a fun year for you!!
unluckiestperson_fml 14
At least OP won't be known as the weird one
xDefendPopPunkx 14
Why change roommates? Jeffery Junior seems like a nice a guy. Sure he can firm sometimes, but he has loads of fun in him too.
narf887 4
well you now know y Mickey mouse is so ****** in the head
xoconnie 8
was he just trying to be funny or is he just weird? lol either way, goodluck man...u'll need it!
BelleBelle_fml 11
#48- No matter how hard I tried, I simply cannot find the point or relevancy of your comment.
scissorluvvv22 0
yeah would have been like its nice to meet you both and shook their hands.
scissorluvvv22 0
I^
zbajis 7
What's better than one roommate? Two roommates!!!!
Majstr 23
I hope you are a girl.
coffeygirl12 14
Hm, I think Jeffrey Junior would be hard to get along with.
xosportsgirl14x 8
He liked you.
afroking22 0
Haha that's jokes
tj4234 36
yeah. It was nice of Jeffry to introduce OP to junior.
MareNostrum 0
I hope his last name isn't Dahmers...
scissorluvvv22 0
dont be a dick introduce yourself to his dick
scissorluvvv22 0
if you dont introduce youself to his dick at least you know you have something incommon... you're both dicks!
False_Stupidity 42
I'd like to think that the OP is female, in which case things might turn out ok, but I don't think that they would mix genders in the same room, cause that seems like a recipe for babies and that would distract from studies.. So likely OP is a guy which makes it bad, unless OP is gay.
kyleh34 5
lol nice
Ajaxxx 4
**** that. You should wife your roommate. Thats ******* awesome. No ****
Amanyyyyyy 29
132- You're trying too hard.
NOWAYJOSE 14
Well, make friends with both of them!
kings1fan 6
Sounds like you and Jr will get along great!
sskarma23 9
I know we all think this is funny but I'd hate to hear Jeffery jr. Getting a "work out" at midnight every night
dsbs 9
Reminds me of jeffey off the ringer
izzabella43 0
No ****
jbabedd 15
Too good :D
RainbowHeadache 2
Aw, Jeffery Jr. likes you! See? He's standing up!
hemz_fml 13
He probably was just trying to play it off
Holybatman 16
Did you shake Jeffrey Junior's hand?
SteveTheJanitor 6
Your picture...hahahahahahaha
skinthesnakes 6
give each of the equal attention, dont pick favorites.
CompettiveCheer 0
Way to ruin the joke..
Eggers 2
82- I'm not sure what you just said, but it sounded really gay and it's pissing me off
Eggers 2
psh, who moderated my comment? what I really meant was "I lol'd, 82"
partyfool2011 4
I don't think he'd want to shake Jeffery seniors hand
chickenwalrus 14
Was Jeffrey Junior very "stiff in his seat"?
ChloeChan97 0
At least not the hand he was using.
MareNostrum 0
Dahmer*
Euronymous93 29
Yeah, OP. You've got to be polite and properly introduce yourself to Jeffrey Junior.
Quasar55_fml 18
Don't be a dick, be polite with both of them
waswashere 0
He needs to stop dickin' around
schaflava 0
What's a dick?
ifailplzinsultme 0
A dick is what your dad puts in his secretary while mom is away
Quasar55_fml 18
Seriously #122 ?
xXLove_MurdersXx 4
Ever heard of Sarcasm? (:
MyMetalRomance 3
You sure he wasn't pointing to the ant on the floor?
brianjman14 23
....what?
BelleBelle_fml 11
...the ****?!
CryMoreFMLs 15
.... Is wrong with number 5?!?!
flockz 20
bitchtits?!? did i do it right?
ifailplzinsultme 0
C-C-C-Combo breaker!
CryMoreFMLs 15
Go away. Nobody likes a combo breaker.
ifailplzinsultme 0
Go away? You sound like my mom! Why are you like my mom?
Bowser6622 5
You fail. I shall insult you.
ifailplzinsultme 0
*sniff sniff* FML commenters don't seem to like me OR my name. And you guys probibly don't like that I put or in all caps. I'm going to throw my sorrows into a Big Mac and XXL fries.
ifailplzinsultme 0
*sniff sniff* FML commenters don't seem to like me OR my name. And you guys probibly don't like that I put or in all caps. I'm going to throw my sorrows into a Big Mac and XXL fries.
ifailplzinsultme 0
*sniff sniff* FML commenters don't seem to like me OR my name. And you guys probibly don't like that I put or in all caps. I'm going to throw my sorrows into a Big Mac and XXL fries.
ifailplzinsultme 0
Sorry about the triple post...
ifailplzinsultme 0
Sorry about the triple post...
ifailplzinsultme 0
Sorry about the triple post...
ifailplzinsultme 0
Okay, I'm really sounding like a dumbass here. I'm just gonna take my inch pride and leave.
jennyc246 8
what an unoriginal name.
Llamassss 21
Says Jenny?
Neshalicious84 0
A long semester or a very "short" one?
loserman67 36
imagine the all night "cramming" sessions...
nitewlf12 10
It'll be a long "semenster"
MrSexyPants 14
Nice 116!
baconstrips 12
Haha what the ****?
fanceh 10
Epic meal time FTW!
ugottaluvme 0
I love bacon!
itsalanis 25
you better find a way to cope with this pronto.
not_cool808 14
just shove it in your mouth lol
i_wuz_nver_here 31
How exactly does one find a way to "cope" with something like that?
yamatelle 19
I would have said something like, "Hi Jeffrey Jr. God, you're so small! Does your dad feed you?", and make the situation even more awkward.
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
I agree that it would be more awkward, but unfortunately, the chances of that happening are pretty slim. One of the main rules of men: Never look at another fellow man's "Device" and comment on it.
yamatelle 19
DEB, you're getting this wrong. See, this is something that I WOULD do. I'm not suggesting the OP to do the same thing... Unless he wants to. I won't judge.
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
Damn, I've been having a lot of misreads lately... Sorry. I think I need to sleep more. It's 3:16 AM. :(
StopDropNRoll 11
Just a thought. What would you do if Jeffrey Jr turned out to be very well feed and healthy?
hotPinklipstick 24
It wouldn't matter how big it is, you tell a guy his tool is inadequate and it will still shoot his self esteem to *****.
loserman67 36
"Oh, I'm so sorry, is Jeffery Jr. a dwarf, he's so small!"
yamatelle 19
69 and I are in the same position here. *giggles*