Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long, 12-hour drive. FML
Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
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Top comments
Yarrachel 16
Just throw up on him, that'll teach him.
narkui 10
Nice husband you got there;)
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Comments (128)
fmessiah 19
Slip him some sleeping tablets, when he is out of it, shave his entire body - roughly, draw on eye liner in coloured permanent marker, rip his intestines out of his throat so you never have to suffer through that again and then gag and bind him so you can get a peaceful nights sleep.
Outsider_77 0
Isn't ripping out his intestines going too far?
GoW_Chick 15
I was serious when I said you sound like you need a hug, just take the hug and everything will be okay.
Nutty4Muffs 3
I'll admit you're previous murder story was pretty sweet, but this crosses some kind of marital line.
MrSassypants 34
Yeah 11 show them who is the boss. We should do this to anyone who makes us angry. It's the only logical solution.
The_Hitdude 12
#23 I thought the permanent marker wa too far, then I read the rest of the comment. #11 Has this happened to you before? Is that why you're so bitter? I think you need a hug... *attempts hug* *gets head blown off by #11's sawed off shotgun*
fmessiah 19
A pregnant lady will go to great lengths to have an undisturbed night of sleep, and my method should afford her that.
The_Hitdude 12
Yeah, but not many peaceful nights afterward...I don't think jail cells are very comfortable.
FiasCudi 0
is it really necessary to gag and bind him after you have already ripped his intestines out of his throat? I may be missing something here, but I'm pretty sure he won't live very long after he gets his intestines ripped out.
BibzIzBack 5
Someones gonna become a serial killer.....
fmessiah 19
Yes he will die shortly after that, but do you really want him thrashing around and screaming while he dies? Won't take long to gag and bound him and few extra minutes of peaceful sleep seems worthwhile.
kimmy91 12
What is wrong with you?
Radney 0
Your one ****** up individual.
Krulin 8
@179: I know right? Doesn't everyone know that your intestines are in your gut, and not your throat?
meridius4510 4
Wtf have u been taking?
biggestfan23 11
Throw up on your husband and see if he's laughing then
birdfreak 24
Men can be so immature sometimes *eye roll* and people don't attack me because I said that, I said CAN BE!
LaughinStock 16
LOL 28 always goes H.A.M on people. I'm going to start a stalker fan club on you, if that's ok :P
The_Hitdude 12
Coming from a 16 year old... You should've said "Boys can be so immature." In that case, I would agree with you. And I'm a guy.
KiddNYC1O 22
How dare you say "people don't attack me"?! Don't you know if you act like prey you will be prey?
friedchkn97 4
if everyone was mature then life would be kinda boring
MaceFaceLOL 8
Daaamn he just shat all over you. If you are calling guys "men" at the age of 16 you are what is called 'jailbait'
awesomesauce121 2
Haha but in all seriousness, Celtics suck
AllSoul 23
He's a keeper.
upyourzlolz 11
Well, he's her husband, so I'd think he is a keeper.
GoW_Chick 15
And plus she is pregnant with his child so that makes him even more of a keeper, I'm still waiting for some idiot to say "divorce his ass," because that seems to be the solution of some dimwits to FML stories like this.
AllSoul 23
I apologise for my stupidity, I'll go and crawl back into my hole now. Farewell. (Someone did say "Tell him to stop or leave him"...)
tennisrapper1 14
Obviously if he has the right to fart in your presence, you have the right to throw up wherever you want. :P
Boston_4_Life 3
Now that sucks
Rxoxdx 0
You should tell him to stop or leave
JohnnyxViet 0
you think that'll happen?
bibi_nette 14
If it doesn't, puke on him!
chubby_choco 17
I'd imagine OP's already done that...hence posting an FML.
myohmy123 0
Wow, how supportive of him.
lionlvr 9
Next time he does it, just vomit on him.