Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML
Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML
Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML
Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML
Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML
Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML
Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML
Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year-old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML
Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML
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Top comments
lolajelly 0
LMAO i just want to keep up the pattern of starting the comments with LMAO
dang_fml 0
LMAO! smart kid
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Comments (99)
tincan 0
It's sad how 9 years olds these days know so much... I was terrified a few months ago when I saw my 12 years old cousin reading BL (aka yaoi) on her computer. It's not that I don't read it, but I started when I was 187... she is only 12...
justjayit 0
Sounds accurate.
lifepwns 0
lol the kid told the truth, you know it.
Bunbu 8
That is why you got it. Why lie about it? :3
ndizzle 0
Because it's her grandma, *******.
Andrew_Riks 0
Ow! So I take it your cousin wanted to make sure your grandma's 95th birthday was her last.
cantwhistle 0
why did you do it anyways? it looks stupid...
Offspring_fml 27
I think it looks good on you. Sucks she had to experience her babysitter doing that. I'm bi too, and I have a very fundamental Christian step-father. Why did you drink before the finals though? It's a better idea to do that, after-wards. Getting drunk causes loss of brain-cells, but a beer a day is healthy for you, and can add years to your life. :]
DCarrasco526 4
I believe you're thinking of wine, not beer.
4st4nd4rd4th 0
#41 i think we have the same cousin.
epictothemax 0
# 46- cause i wanted to and thats ur opinion. fine. #47- thanks i think it does too. lol im gonna have to remember that beer a day thing :)
PAPYAIX 0
That sucks for your grandma If she's so fragile your cousin should have been more careful I have a split tongue so imagine the weird comments I get!
glitter_kiss 0
do you have a zipper on it?those are awesome!:D