Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML
Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML
Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML
Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML
Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML
Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML
Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML
Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year-old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML
Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML
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Top comments
lolajelly 0
LMAO i just want to keep up the pattern of starting the comments with LMAO
dang_fml 0
LMAO! smart kid
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Comments (99)
Kingrayer 0
you got told up by a 9 year old. your life sucks
epictothemax 0
dude my life is ******* epic.
youngboss_fml 2
dont listen to haters. =) just do your thang
TheEpicScrewup 0
that's priceless OMG. You're poor Grandmother! And I hope your aunt and uncle talk to that stupid babysitter! Who goes down on their boyfriend when a) they're babysitting and b) the kid they babysit for is STILL AWAKE?! That's just ****** up.
amelinat 0
#18 - if that is a fact then why do straight men get tounge piercings? epictothemax - you are one of only 2 posters that I have seen reply to their FML's, kudos to you for that. I hope your grandma makes a speedy recovery.
X_o_X_ocutie 0
to satisfy their women DUH
Felling 14
Secretly they aren't straight. Duh.
mrcarmine 0
hahaha i love that you admit that you "like to have fun" as your justification good job!
Callyn 47
#24: I wasn't aware that they did. "If a girl has a pierced tounge, she'll probably suck your dick. If a guy has a pierced tounge...he'll probably suck your dick." Chris Rock
tsume24 3
because if chris rock said it, it is true 100% of the time. right?
gregthestrange 3
hey OP, you are probably now my favorite FML poster. you actually came to the boards and posted along with us... and that's pretty kick ass. you now have my complete and utter respect
alex_vik 1
Well, it sounds like she knows why you got the piercing.
commonsense31 0
Yeah tongue rings in males or females are most likely for oral sex regardless of sexual orientation or maybe they just like talking funny or ruining there teeth hahaha
tsume24 3
really? is that why I DIDN'T get mine done for those reasons and my boyfriend said it didn't do much when I tried it on him anyway? is that why I don't care because I love the jewelry I have in it? and is that why I have no trouble talking whatsoever? jesus christ...how uneducated people are....
prettygurl89 16
*their
epictothemax 0
theyre funto have. liem i dot see any giys complaing. im drunk. but whatver. dont judge me