Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML
Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML
Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML
Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML
Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML
Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML
Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML
Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year-old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML
Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML
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Top comments
lolajelly 0
LMAO i just want to keep up the pattern of starting the comments with LMAO
dang_fml 0
LMAO! smart kid
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Comments (99)
Lifey66 0
Oh heavens, its amazing what these young kids pick up these days!!!!!
epictothemax 0
its really. is. i didnt know half the stuf tey leanr now til i was ike older. its so sad,
simplysmile 0
what the hell? what is this 9 year old being exposed to? I'd slap her across the face and tongue rings are gross...btw
alex_vik 1
epictothemax - Please stop drinking and typing.
suckerz 0
that's true though... that does help... lol
meanbeech 0
i was with a guy that had a tongue ring.. and yes there is a difference when they are working with their mouths.. and they DO make vibrating tongue rings.. personally id never get one but it was an experience.
epictothemax 0
sorry about drinking and typing last night. its my last night to party it up b4 finals and the term ends at my college.
holynemesis1208 3
you should have said no its so i can make girls happier too.
epictothemax 0
i could cause its half true (im bi) but then i wouldve been kicked out of my family (theyre very conservative catholics)
Taihen 0
LOL wow! Poor kid, and your poor Gram! I totally know where you are epictothemax, I'm bi and in a conservative catholic family too. And major major major kudos to you for joining us on the boards after posting!