Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML
Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML
Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML
Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML
Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML
Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML
Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML
Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year-old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML
Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML
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Top comments
lolajelly 0
LMAO i just want to keep up the pattern of starting the comments with LMAO
dang_fml 0
LMAO! smart kid
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Comments (99)
andelizastrin 0
Gah, it makes me sad when kids so young know these things. I'm glad they know it wasn't your fault though.
epictothemax 0
Assmilk- ew. shes 9. ew and my cousin was fine lol. just now very educated in sex lol
jadzia 0
LOL My cousin made a similar comment (in front of my younger brother, and my elderly aunts) when I got my tongue pierced 10 years ago. Except I was 19 and he was 30something at the time. Eww!!
Bcfrmkc816 17
And now your almost thirty something ewww!!
Paulspacefdot 0
Sure.. she's nine NOW... but she'll grow out of that (evil perverted grin). j/k
retro_squares 0
CHASING LIBERTY! I'm not saying this is fake, but it reminded me of that movie.
popsoda 0
haha the cousin was right tho? thats why girls get it done no?
Djosef_fml 0
Is that really the main reason? I had no idea that a tongue piercing could serve that purpose untill later teen years. And only because a friend who had one told me about puting an ice cube on it for the contrasting sensation. Otherwise, I would have thought it was only a decoration like piercings on the belly button, ear, eyebrow, etc...
elizabetch 0
LMFAO. That's hilarious, What did you're grandma say to that?
fcuk_mylife 0
well, shes a smart kid. the only reason girls get tounge rings is to suck dick. fact.
tsume24 3
18, actually, not a fact. I've tried my tongue piercing on my boyfriend before and he said it doesn't do much. but that's okay because that's not why I got it. I wear a GORGEOUS piece of blue synthetic opal in mine. my tongue piercing is basically purely aesthetic. so oops. get your "facts" straight.
InsaneOblongata 0
Hey, kids are smart and tell the truth. *****. :)
epictothemax 0
im not a ***** :( i just like to have fun