iAmJasper
Sun Prairie, United States
Friends?
Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Wakefield, United Kingdom
You made them use coasters, Monica
Today, I was checking my friends' posts on Facebook and all of them were complaining what a boring night they had. They were all just at my house. FML
Anonymous
Merrimack, United States
Today, I found out that my friends only hang out with me so they can play with my dog. FML
melonhead
Australia
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML
Anonymous
United States
Picky
Today, my parents told me not to make plans for dinner as they were bringing it home. Normally, that would be great but they brought home slop from some buffet that had just opened. Everything was greasy, too salty, or bland. I told them they could have it, and made my own dinner. Now I'm being called, "The Food Network critic." FML
Anonymous
Portlaoise, Ireland
The gang
Today, I went to my friend's house to celebrate her birthday but 3 of them ganged up on me and molested my arse cheeks. Later, someone found a wooden plank and spanked me hard. There was also a BB gun and my arse was the target. I have been a social outcast all my life, and these are my only friends, but I'm always hit. FML
vidzgrl
Canada
Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML
Blah
Unloveable
Today, it was my second day of house-sitting. I was so out of my mind from not seeing people that I invited a bunch of friends over for dinner. I said I would pay for pizza and we could all hang out in the house. Even with an unsupervised house and free food, no one showed. FML
NotYourFriend
Today, I had to kick my husband's friend out of our house after a week. He left lights on, played video games all day, ate all of our food and laughed when his son hit my dog. He was only invited over for one dinner. FML
danii
Reserved
Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML
dzisfml
Canada
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML
Top comments
thefmljellyfish 10
Then they're not your real friends
markcallanan_ 20
Maybe make them leave?
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Comments (106)
anyoldnamewilldo 23
You have a strange definition of "friends"
Sugarfur 2
A) You have shitty friends, get new ones. B) Your friends are joking and you're a whiny piss-baby. They should get a new friend. C) Your friend group is chill and you all do this to each other, so this FML is pointless?
cryssycakesx3 23
such "piss-baby," much whine, wow, moar friends
cryssycakesx3 23
seriously, what's a piss-baby?
Malaki691 15
They are only using you...they are laughing about it amongst themselves...
SkullduggeryCain 11
Sounds a lot like my "friends". I have really shitty friends.
urlit 13
Wow. That's like having a crash course in what it's like having roommates.
apk892 7
In my circle of friends that's perfectly normal. The fact that we can just pop in, eat each others food, and rip on each other all night is why were all so close. Come to think of it, I don't think we ever actually say anything nice to each other. Makes for quite a show.
amisenho 11
But why bother saying nasty things if you don't mean them in the first place? If anything, it could come back to haunt you if you get into some petty argument with your friends down the road. Even if you "don't mean it," it doesn't hold much substance other than saying negative things without having consequence, much in the same way you yell obscenities at a bad driver from the comfort of your own vehicle.
pharm121 21
Maybe they're just having a lil fun OP. but if it really bothers you kick them out. It's your house, food and game system.
engineerosaurus 26
Sounds like you need new friends and an empty house.
hordriss 14
You need new friends.
Dcm210 19
Just stop contact with them.