iAmJasper
Sun Prairie, United States
Friends?
Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Wakefield, United Kingdom
You made them use coasters, Monica
Today, I was checking my friends' posts on Facebook and all of them were complaining what a boring night they had. They were all just at my house. FML
Anonymous
Merrimack, United States
Today, I found out that my friends only hang out with me so they can play with my dog. FML
melonhead
Australia
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML
Anonymous
United States
Picky
Today, my parents told me not to make plans for dinner as they were bringing it home. Normally, that would be great but they brought home slop from some buffet that had just opened. Everything was greasy, too salty, or bland. I told them they could have it, and made my own dinner. Now I'm being called, "The Food Network critic." FML
Anonymous
Portlaoise, Ireland
The gang
Today, I went to my friend's house to celebrate her birthday but 3 of them ganged up on me and molested my arse cheeks. Later, someone found a wooden plank and spanked me hard. There was also a BB gun and my arse was the target. I have been a social outcast all my life, and these are my only friends, but I'm always hit. FML
vidzgrl
Canada
Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML
Blah
Unloveable
Today, it was my second day of house-sitting. I was so out of my mind from not seeing people that I invited a bunch of friends over for dinner. I said I would pay for pizza and we could all hang out in the house. Even with an unsupervised house and free food, no one showed. FML
NotYourFriend
Today, I had to kick my husband's friend out of our house after a week. He left lights on, played video games all day, ate all of our food and laughed when his son hit my dog. He was only invited over for one dinner. FML
danii
Reserved
Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML
dzisfml
Canada
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML
Top comments
thefmljellyfish 10
Then they're not your real friends
markcallanan_ 20
Maybe make them leave?
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Comments (106)
Rainbow_dumpster 28
Unplug your XBox and tell them to get out of your house.
mattrd_fml 31
So you just let them eat your food and play on your xbox while they made fun of you? Sorry but ydi.
geekbait 5
Kick them out and shoot them in the kneecaps
AquaManatee 8
Please explain because why didn't you just kick them out.
jmdnba097 12
That's what true friends do... Or my friends just aren't really my friends
Amie89 20
A) kick them out and get new friends, ones that actually deserve the term. B) grow a spine so you don't let people treat you this way. Complete these in any order.
Brownie02 10
You misspelled assholes
emmsies 16
you shouldve sent them home op
nemcali 34
Kick them out!!!
Anumayis 34
That's what friends are for right?