Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML
Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML
Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML
Today, I was feeling lonely, so I turned on my Roomba for some "company." Five minutes in, it got stuck under the couch and started crying for help. Now I’m comforting an appliance because I feel bad for mistreating it. I need therapy. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
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Top comments
ApollosMyth 22
That seems like one heated discussion.
FitForFun 11
Man your emotional control is toast.
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Comments (118)
tsh0rty 6
I have those days
jw90 18
Did the toaster hit you in the face with your toast?
Joseph980000 6
I just hope it's not one of those things where you have sex after the argument that would be a little too hot..
Mshrodes 13
I can't be the only one who thought of Ralph Fiennes in "In Bruges" - It's an inanimate f***ing object ! - You're an inanimate f***ing object !
Jessa91 10
This is probably my favorite fml ever
alexwow1 13
Oh wow
CaptainBlack 18
This is one of those rare cases where I actually agree that your life sucks
XAndrea_MalikX 16
Time to get some friends !
athos1237 4
It's a toaster not a Cylon. YDI
alycion 39
Not being funny op, but maybe you should talk to a psychiatrist. I always thought I just had an Italian temper. Turned out anger was a sign of my manias. It can be a sign of a lot of things. Treatment has been a wonderful thing. I stopped threatening to throw my boss out of windows during staff meetings.