Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML
Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML
Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML
Today, I was feeling lonely, so I turned on my Roomba for some "company." Five minutes in, it got stuck under the couch and started crying for help. Now I’m comforting an appliance because I feel bad for mistreating it. I need therapy. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
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Top comments
ApollosMyth 22
That seems like one heated discussion.
FitForFun 11
Man your emotional control is toast.
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Comments (118)
alonur 6
I have a great idea. Organize a party, and bring out a toast on him right in front of him. You shouldn't be yelling at hin anymore.
ashleyylove3 22
Well, you tried.
josebaseball11 14
Hey, we've all screamed at inanimate objects at one time or another. It's only human.
imbedderdenu 23
lol I have a bad habit of yelling at inanimate objects too...but apologizing That my friend is a new one! did it forgive you?
LaLince 40
What did the toaster answer?
lishajoy777 14
If the toaster answered... Op has bigger problems..
Vitualamen 11
Toast is a serious business after all..
redmnky21 8
I have the same problem, try lexapro it is awesome
noobsatin 19
you need friends. if you can't find any, I have a vacuum.
perdix 31
Maybe you ought to buy it some flowers and take it to a movie. Y'know she does have a nice, warm slot waiting for you ;). Your lonely days may be over.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Although clever, that comment made me cringe.
perdix 31
#49, did you also hear that news story about the guy who dialed 911 because he got his dick stuck in a toaster?
ksks1234 33
That is one brave little toaster.
kaitlynjane 28
I was thinking the same thing. Man, I loved that movie when I was a kid!
ILoveMyArm 15
Maybe even poptarts. Or frozen waffles.