Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML
Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML
Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML
Today, I was feeling lonely, so I turned on my Roomba for some "company." Five minutes in, it got stuck under the couch and started crying for help. Now I’m comforting an appliance because I feel bad for mistreating it. I need therapy. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
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Top comments
ApollosMyth 22
That seems like one heated discussion.
FitForFun 11
Man your emotional control is toast.
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Comments (118)
Wizzlbang 10
You're far from alone, OP.
Greenmarsh 31
My toaster has never forgiven ME for saying that :(
Bcfrmkc816 17
Know how ya feel and it sucks. And seems like no hope at all
SasquatchDeluxe 10
No joke -- see a therapist. (I'm not saying it to dump on you, but it sounds like you're in a lot of pain and should think about making some crucial changes in how you deal with the world around you.)
shazinie 7
and this pretty much sums up a girl on her period
jamieeelynn57 8
At least it's not trying to butter you up.
How_you_doin 10
Thats nothing! it took weeks for the kettle to forgive me for calling the stove a hot tamale :( shes still pretty pissed off actually.
CrystalFelix 13
Someone has been watching Disney's "The Brave Little Toaster" movie too much! lol
Prelud 9
Toastfuck
asleepingbear 8
Don't worry this happens to me with my mirror because their is always this really ugly person looking at me when I look into it