Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML
Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML
Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML
Today, I was feeling lonely, so I turned on my Roomba for some "company." Five minutes in, it got stuck under the couch and started crying for help. Now I’m comforting an appliance because I feel bad for mistreating it. I need therapy. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
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Top comments
ApollosMyth 22
That seems like one heated discussion.
FitForFun 11
Man your emotional control is toast.
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Comments (118)
lionqueen1400 16
I've talked to plenty of inanimate objects. Sometimes that just happens. And remember that it's not your fault that you have mood swings. Those things can get out of hand, even if the person doesn't want them.
GoodLookingGeese 10
Never mess with the toaster!
annoyedweirdo 9
Yeah you got problems I believe you are Bi-polar you should get help
superman3212 8
really?
JoseIsAdork 31
lol, op, you made my day
pike1346 3
I feel you. I totally understand where you are at.
kerosku 6
this is my life in a nutshell
operator47 10
You could write the sad parts in a disney movie.
DesolateTree 12
Don't feel bad. I have a ton of friends that I talk to everyday and do the same.
blackwidowtaco 31
Your friends are inanimate objects that you scream at on a daily basis? You may need more help than op does.