Today, I was feeling lonely, so I turned on my Roomba for some "company." Five minutes in, it got stuck under the couch and started crying for help. Now I’m comforting an appliance because I feel bad for mistreating it. I need therapy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to shredded tissues all over the floor. I yelled at my dog, who looked guilty but confused. Turns out, it wasn’t him, it was my robot vacuum cleaner again. It had sucked up a bunch of tissues and napkins from under the couch and then spread them all over the place like confetti. I owe my dog an apology. FML
Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML
Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
Today, it was my first night house-sitting my friend's place while he's on vacation. I was reading in bed when I heard scratching downstairs, so I called him in a panic. He told me to check the kitchen. I did. It was his automatic robot vacuum thing, which he'd never thought to mention before, and it was repeatedly trying to climb onto a slipper. FML
Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML
Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML
Today, I dropped my wedding ring on the carpet. Just as I was about to pick it up, my Roomba sucked it up. FML
Today, I finally broke down and paid someone to clean my condo. Sometime after she finished, my cat threw up. Then my roomba went off, smearing regurgitated mackerel all over the freshly washed floors. There goes $150. FML
Today, I bought a new vacuum cleaner after having to go several months without one. Immediately, I wanted to try it out. I must have underestimated how powerful it was, as it sucked up my socks and then broke. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Iamthebanzai22 21
Huggg
FluffythePink 23
🫂 and stop worrying about the Roomba, apparently most people who have one end up with feelings for them. That's perfectly normal human behaviour for the 21st century. Roomba did not anticipate this and ended up having to add an 'I want MY one back' tick box to the repairs paperwork because everyone was demanding their own one be returned. We've all turned very Japanese about those lil' robots, they have souls and are more pets than appliances. No need for therapy, just maybe finding a friend who you can facetime when the lonelies hit.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (2)
Iamthebanzai22 21
Huggg
FluffythePink 23
🫂 and stop worrying about the Roomba, apparently most people who have one end up with feelings for them. That's perfectly normal human behaviour for the 21st century. Roomba did not anticipate this and ended up having to add an 'I want MY one back' tick box to the repairs paperwork because everyone was demanding their own one be returned. We've all turned very Japanese about those lil' robots, they have souls and are more pets than appliances. No need for therapy, just maybe finding a friend who you can facetime when the lonelies hit.