Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my kitchen is trying to kill me. So far, I've hit my head three times on cupboards that opened themselves, cut open my hand on the microwave door when it slammed shut, and burned my cheek with the "heat-proof" oven mitt when I pushed the hair off my face. FML
Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven, I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was only wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and, um… stuff. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, while grabbing a husk of corn out of the boiling hot pot, I splashed hot water on my neck, dropped the corn on my injured toe, and cut myself on the counters, all while my family laughed at my pain. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
Today, I don't know which is worse: my brother cramming all his sauce bottles into a fridge door shelf that exploded onto the floor when I opened the fridge, or my mother being mad at me because I was upset about slicing open my finger while cleaning up the broken glass and my hand now burns. FML
Today, I got into a fight with the dryer over a plastic toy car. My hand is bleeding and numb, three of my nails are broken and I have a bruise on my chin. The plastic car is still stuck in the now broken dryer. FML
Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
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Top comments
cat4651 15
Go back to bed for the rest of the day, it is clearly not your day today!
JMichael 26
You're just not having a very good day are you? You have my sympathy
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Comments (86)
twilightriforce 10
That has to be the worst luck ever. So sorry that all happened. Hopefully something good comes around to make the day better.
cat4651 15
Go back to bed for the rest of the day, it is clearly not your day today!
Yazoo77 16
Bed calls apart when he gets on it?
immaloser95 28
Hits head on backboard?
TrustStolen 16
nothing worse than stubbing your toe...
TotallyAradical 14
Clipping my hip on a table edge is right up there for me. It makes me want to throw up, it hurts so bad.
kaed 16
Don't forget about stepping on Lego!
MrConcise 35
Paper cuts when they're on a particular area that has the skin stretched apart constantly. My personal worst though is an itchy back when trying to focus.
JMichael 26
You're just not having a very good day are you? You have my sympathy
demonddm 24
the shame. the body heals but the shame is forever.
curiouslilbird 19
Definitely had days like this! (Usually because I'm rushing around or anxious about stuff.) May your day only get brighter from here!
MassiDelta 28
OP, everybody has bad days, this was just one of yours. Just be glad no permanent damage was done.
namibian 13
Wow! That sucks OP. I heard of bad stuff happening in three, but this is just the worst. Hope you have better luck.
ShortieRose 30
"OP and the no good, very bad day"
cooltatgar 31
It's like a scene from family guy.