Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML
Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML
Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML
Today, I was feeling lonely, so I turned on my Roomba for some "company." Five minutes in, it got stuck under the couch and started crying for help. Now I’m comforting an appliance because I feel bad for mistreating it. I need therapy. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
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Top comments
ApollosMyth 22
That seems like one heated discussion.
FitForFun 11
Man your emotional control is toast.
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Comments (118)
ApollosMyth 22
That seems like one heated discussion.
wlddog 14
May i present to you, possibly the best first response of all time.
ViRepz 28
Where?
ApollosMyth 22
16 - I've seen better.
ApollosMyth 22
28 - I've seen Breader
webbface 25
Lol #1 I thought that was pretty good. I'm jelly.
ILoveMyArm 15
Wheat just a minute here, OP's argument with the toaster seems to have risen a lot of controversy. Jesus Chrust, I have no idea what is going on here.
soccerstar1996 18
the thirst is strong with this one
TheLittleBear 19
Ah, I love a good bread pun. They never go stale.
evilplatypus 39
Rye is everyone making light of OP's issue? Having anger issues is really crummy.
TheLittleBear 19
Yes now we mustn't baguette to be nice to the OP. He isn't managing to roll with his anger issues yet.
lalaney 14
This comment made me so so happy :)
kcjc777 8
So heated #1 that I think it's getting a bit toasty in here.
Thursday737 7
You guys need to stop loafing around!
AngelSpit 18
If I had a pumpernickel for every time I've argued with my toaster .....
quincy2112 9
Did it listen to your problems? Was its advice good?
Uramonkey 11
The toaster proposed a toast. It was a good friend.
PterodactylMan 23
Was the toaster crunchy? It couldn't possibly be salty
ImInYourFACEbook 8
Wow, your toaster just let you yell at it?! What a brave little toaster....*Buh dum tss*
ashleyylove3 22
51, Wut.
FitForFun 11
Man your emotional control is toast.
ryanthecheeseguy 18
Maybe he'll butter up to the bread next.
ViRepz 28
What about the microwave, how could you just blatantly ignore it?
Wowxoxo 17
The microwave and TV are more honest to me... The toaster is okay, but the fridge is a mean bitch
marcranger 29
My refrigerator's a bit frigid, too. It's just how they are.
hig999 19
You need serious help
ViRepz 28
Why? He has a toaster...
Misswildsides 22
Toasters never judge you.
ApollosMyth 22
My toaster always pops early, 34.... I think it is mocking me.
Pesticides 19
you only need help if the toaster starts talking back to you...
Neyuu 18
My mom used to say the same thing about the tv. Then we saw a commercial... "Hey you! This is your tv talking!"
lishajoy777 14
it was just tryna toat your bread. toaster abuse... for shame...
dalink 24
The errors in this comment are "worst shame".
Sansational_ 18
That would have been really funny sans spelling and grammar errors.
NoMore_CoolNames 14
Toasters can be vicious, don't you know?
lbrown66 12
They're about as scary as a tea bag
AllYourFailure 3
Exactly! Those evil teabags...
isallwaysme 27
at least you said sorry. toasters have feelings just like any other appliance.
Masonator28 9
Tell my mother that
angelitared 27
Get some medicated help!!!
Dynosaur_dollie 38
why? I would think a bit of professional help, maybe counseling, should be the most logical step. Medication is not always the answer and can have some pretty nasty adverse effects.
logankyng 15
Just go ahead and get a few cats...it's inevitable
TheDrifter 24
There is no such thing as a few cats. One, two and seventeen are the only available options.
pantherpride98 10
Cats are awesome! I have two that are my friends.
Kelsey_709 9
According to #50, next step is 17. I'd stick to 2, unless you have enough yarn for all those sweaters you'll be knitting. Or you're in need of Reddit karma. ;)