Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm on a 14-hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML
Today, I was on a three hour flight to Los Angeles for a corporate meeting. The woman next to me instantly fell asleep and snored louder than a freight train, while the kid behind me made a hobby of thashing my seat from behind. When I peered over and asked him to stop, he spat in my face. FML
Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML
Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML
Today, during a long flight, I tried to discreetly pass gas. Instead, I misjudged the pressure and ended up making a loud noise that everyone around me seemingly heard. To make matters worse, the flight attendant asked if everything was OK. Now I’m probably remembered as "Farts on a plane." FML
Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML
Today, I was on a 12-hour transatlantic flight. I asked the flight attendant where the rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour one of the flight. FML
Today, I'm on a 16 hour flight. Five minutes in, the lady on one side has clipped her toenails onto me and the guy on the other side has the most horrific gas I have ever smelled. To help this problem he bought a cheese plate from the stewardess. 15 hours and 55 minutes to go. FML
Today, I was on an early flight home after a night of drinking. I was sat in my seat when I started feeling sweaty and nauseous. I grabbed the puke bag and started gagging, then puking, and a really loud fart came out. Everyone heard it. The attendant switched me seat to sit alone. FML
Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML
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Top comments
davek 36
"Psst. Stewardess? When the people behind me got their bag out of the overhead locker, I heard a weird ticking noise."
Weijun 2
All that is missing is the screaming baby.
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Comments (99)
jf7609 0
better you than me! sorry though, that does suck
Weijun 2
All that is missing is the screaming baby.
davek 36
"Psst. Stewardess? When the people behind me got their bag out of the overhead locker, I heard a weird ticking noise."
LolWaitWut 0
Aw I'm sorry :( You should've done something to annoy both of them like stretch your arms in the bald guy's face and lean back really far onto the kids lap and go to sleep. :)
Twinklestar 0
I took my two year old on a 19 hour non-stop flight and she spent the whole time kicking the guy next to us and yelling. It was a full flight. Half way through he got up and went to the bathroom and didn't come back. F that guys life. Flying sucks.
GodOfBeer 5
and you didn't control your 2 yr old? hell if it were me I'd have thrown you out of the plane, kid and all...nice discipline there...
Twinklestar 0
Yes, well as everyone who doesn't have children knows, 2 year olds are well known for listening to their parents when stuck in a seat for 19 hours, especially when the hostess' sneak them candy.
GodOfBeer 5
how do you assume I don't know children? give them toys, show them a colourful book/read them a story etc or else try getting a seat on your own - its not a 30 minute thing, its 19hrs FFS, respect others. and if the hostess gives her candy and you don't want, speak up for yourself and tell her so - after all you're the one caring for your child and not the hostess.
GodOfBeer 5
here learn something...:D http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkSdM6p2G98
weinerdog 2
Amen. If someone can't or won't control their kid, they have NO BUSINESS bringing them on a plane and subjecting others to misery they don't deserve and didn't pay for. It's about having respect and consideration for others.
Twinklestar 0
I assumed you didn't have children. Not that you didn't know them, although after your last comment I might assume you don't know them very well either. You're right, it's not 30 minutes. It's 19 hours and no toy in the world is going to keep a 2 year old entertained that long, although I took a lot of little presents like new activity books and small toys that I brought out every hour or two to keep her entertained. The fact is, it doesn't really matter how good the kid is. 19 hours of sitting for a two year old isn't going to happen without problems. The hostess put candy in her children's meal box and she already had it in her mouth by time I saw. I didn't have a lot of notice that we were going to have to fly and there weren't a lot of seats left, nor a lot of choice about whether or not we flew. Basically, if you're not flying first or business class you're going to have to deal with the fact you have no say in who is sitting next to you. If the kid behind the OP was a similar age, not a lot the parents can do. FHL all the same, but pretty unavoidable.
thighsofglory 0
What are you, a missionary? Refugee? Mail-order bride? Why would you subject a toddler to a 19- ( or 14-) hour plane ride? Do you just do whatever you feel like all of the time and the hell with everybody else? And if you give us some soppy BS about going to a funeral I'm going to have to ask you why you're taking a baby to one of those, too.
GodOfBeer 5
how you said it, it meant 19hrs non stop torture for the guy - that I don't condone - yet you are right if it was a fraction of that time. So apologies if I misinterpreted you. (and the last post was a joke ;) ) Also whoever is asking why she took her child on a 19 hr flight - its not your bussiness, we're not part of her life, whatever it was, was not a holiday I guess, so she must have a valid reason. now peace out, I'm off to bed ps damn I've become a softy :S
Twinklestar 0
thighsofglory - Is that even a serious question? Firstly, a lot of people take their young children to funerals, especially if it's overseas and they don't have an easy option for childcare. At very least, they'd take them to the city and have family or something care for them during the actual funeral. Secondly, do you have no imagination? There are tonnes of reasons people would fly at the last minute. Sickness or accident in the family, work, wedding, etc, etc. Retard.
yaldo_fml 0
Just double does the little brat with some nyquil or tylonol PM or some shit FFS
yaldo_fml 0
*dose
MrPortalFan 21
Hypocrite.
blahthing 0
Honestly, parents should learn to control their kids better. I had a kid behind me that kept kicking my chair and everytime I looked back her parents would just shrug. It didn't stop until I threatened to throw up on them.
Skullcrusher 5
Haha! Must've sucked to be you!
me5 0
Yeah **** those negligent parents!
itouchguy360 3
FYL op, but this is going in my favorites!
lemony_fml 0
lmao