Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML
Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
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Top comments
ImmaB3AST 7
what the hell are you? a vacuum cleaner?
chick011 0
Must have been really good?
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Comments (113)
perdix 31
Giving him head at his grandpa's funeral is a bad idea.
HomelessMuslim 0
Or on the corner of first and walnut.....( I live in the bush)
EarAcheMyEYE10 2
Are you sure you were "blowing" the right part of his body?
mattdm91 0
Sounds like an amazing ********. We should uh.... Hang out sometime and by hanging out sometime I mean giving me an amazing ******** that'll give me a panic attack.
IndigoAcrylic 9
LMFAO! You made my day man....Thumbs up ;D
Grayscale 9
This blows....
juliushater 12
I sense another FML coming as soon as your virginity is going
Nublet 10
Sorry to disappoint you since it "went" (?) more than 18 years ago.
david12z 0
It could have been so good he was hoping he wouldn't die from the pleasure?
luckoirish14 6
Must suck a gold ball through a garden hose...
SnowFlakeInAK 7
The correct phrase is: Suck a GOLF ball through a garden hose. Sorry for being a Nazi, but I thought you'd like the right saying :) I did however giggle over the gold ball part.
hillbillyboy1993 7
sorry but how in the hell do you mess that up? "bull shit i bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!"
perdix 31
You know that you don't literally "blow?" He panicked because he thought you might over-inflate his bladder.
HomelessMuslim 0
Did you know that your supposed to suck.... But how would I know
Hamcons 1
It must've been really awesome or really horrible. ??????
kensikos 6
Anal?