Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML
Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML
Today, my mom decided to follow me during my driving test. She rear ended me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
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Top comments
SirWhatsHisFace 0
I bet your throat hurts from crashing into his pole ;)
TheTigerRoars 0
Well, that you kind of deserve. I don't see why you humans even drive cars, they are so dangerous. -Fluffy McTiger
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Comments (234)
SirWhatsHisFace 0
I bet your throat hurts from crashing into his pole ;)
transam87 0
this is why women are a hazard on the road!
shananigans 0
Haha ok that one made me chuckle xD
oliveowls 0
LOL!
kwmfl 4
hahaha!
Lisimal 7
Zing WIN #1
Doortje 30
nice one :D finally a funny comment as #1 instead of just yelling "first". great job ^^
EffinAhole 0
Why was your father mad? Did you go home with the evidence dripping down your chin?
madarchod 0
lol at road job
madarchod 0
sorry I meant road head
SirWhatsHisFace 0
Actually road head sounds better.
SirWhatsHisFace 0
Sorry meant road job xD
stephanie0613 0
Ughh you deserve it for giving him head while he's driving. God i ****** hate irresponsible drivers, how the hell can you drive right when your about to bust nd then bust ? that's so rediculous ! YFDI.
jjames7543 13
...spell "ridiculous" :P
jakii_ 0
i can just imagine how the police found you xD
dannyswin 0
THAT was funny
ringogrey 4
:)
vballerlover07 0
Favorited(: haha. this one literally made me laugh out loud.
Daerauko 0
ok so he came and closed his eyes... why the **** did he jerk the wheel?
hobogirl 0
at least you wernt attempting to procreate, last thing we need is more road head giving tards like yourself... please keep your legs shut
ERich331 3
I prefer the term "road dome"
lollipopXx 0
lol that's awesome
j0k32r0x 0
ooooooooo daaaaammmm
Clitorasaurus 0
Apparently OP's boyfriend is a dumbass.
iluvharryp 0
LOL..i luv synonyms
Spirit_Of_Nature 0
Lol @ 5
omgYoUbasTards 0
proof again tht women cause 100% of car crashes.
sukatlife 0
I feel like this would be worse if they hit a pothole before he came. at least worse for the guy
honeyishrnkdakid 2
She didn't cause the crash- he did. She didn't rape him- he either asked for it or she offered and he accepted. Either way, he implicitly said that he could safely operate a motor vehicle while receiving fellatio and oops, guess what? He was wrong. He closed his eyes. He lost control of the vehicle. It would be same if anything else distracted him- a distraction does not relieve the DRIVER of the vehicle of responsibility. He shouldn't have said he could handle it if he couldn't. It was his fault.
imnutsss 0
yah bitches!!! all you chauvinists can shove it!
rpvia 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ah ha! zing!
PizzaGuy11 0
YDI for having sex on the move. i wonder if theyre going to have signs for that now.
flighted 1
why is the father mad? inwould hope they wouldn't tell him the true reason lol...
TheTigerRoars 0
Well, that you kind of deserve. I don't see why you humans even drive cars, they are so dangerous. -Fluffy McTiger
morgan320 0
I don't see why tigers dont ^.^
TheTigerRoars 0
Cause we sleep all the time and usually run faster than are food does. But I'm sure you all will catch up to those burgers soon. jk jk hahaha. I love to make chubby jokes. -Fluffy McTiger
laced 0
Fluffy, can we make interspecies cubs?
mnemonicdaze 0
I think your interspecies cubs will be adorable.
19eightyeight 4
is that a publicized booty call? lol.
DonJuan_13 0
are you retarded?
jacomarine89 5
Don't worry I'm sure their insurance covers road head.
jacomarine89 5
Can I call you leeloo?
jacomarine89 5
I was talking to 63
sammehsaurus 0
Haha 131 I was thinking the exact same thing.
smurf1 0
I love your info fluffy!!
angrynegro7 16
Inter-species erotica FTW! Thudercats! HO!
steeledwolf 8
WTF
zwreck 1
cars go fast. try playing wammy on the back of a girl's head when she's giving you head. it's hilarious.
tamoodielovesmar 1
Same here!
bunniex1 11
Here kitty kitty....
lil_ham1644 29
I'm a little confused by 204's comment...
transam87 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
that's why women are hazards on the road
EffinAhole 0
ha!
j5p332 6
Whether behind the wheel or not
hockeyplayer3 0
lol
rizzkiyoshi 19
that why men should learn how to drive and not be addicted to sexual acts.
whiterabbit420 4
she could have very easily said "no I don't want to do that, it's unsafe" it's not the guy "being addicted to sexual acts" it's both of them being horny and irresponsible
TJammah 0
I say he shouldve just pulled over. he's more of the douche
GraysonIsFail 0
86; Please just YouTube women trying to park their cars. Seriously, men need to learn how to drive? She was giving him head. she got down and sucked it, I doubt he did some amazing standing flip and flopped into her mouth while he driving. D;.
losisdope 0
that's why you should shut up and not look so much like a man
losisdope 0
that's for 86
bee182 5
but how did your father know? You could have just said we were in a car crash.... unless you told your dad or in the crash ur head was Stuck to his manly bits!
kwmfl 4
or maybe her dad was driving... O.o
FantasticFin 0
no, cause why would they crash if her dad was driving? she said 'he closed his eyes as he came' about her boyfriend and why would she be giving him road head if her dad was in the car?
queencitystoner 0
lol 49 you're a moron
tekinzdudez 0
49 it was a joke, and it was actually kind of funny, but yeah it flew right over your head
aussie_gemini 5
I'm going with she had to explain why the ambulance was checking out his bleeding member! lol
da_page09 0
plus the fact that she hit her head on the steering wheel, kinda hard to do
mailerd 3
Maybe it was her dad's car.
sammehsaurus 0
Maybe her dad /is/ her boyfriend. o.O
crazedgirl 0
You couldn't of waited til you got home? or even better pulled over!! car sex is good when not driving..
phatdaddy62 23
really? I've always found it to be awesome!!!
elwoods 0
I agree! I don't see whats so appealing about road head - especially from the girl's point of view:-S
afdude87 6
cause what's better while driving than getting head? and even if it's not appealing it's for the other person not you.. I'd give 'road licks' or whatever if i could/she wanted me to.
Jordvt 3
wow 67, you are such a charmer...
bittersweets 2
It's not about if road head is great or not. There's no accounting for taste. But it certainly endangers the driving style and therefore both (or rather all) people in the car and all innocent people in the cars around. The op should be glad nobody's hurt and be smarter the next time. So it's not FYL, it's FY!
Hump_Zilla 0
just be glad you didn't have **** impaled through the back of your head
TheOriginalKyrs 0
that would be an interesting 911 call..
InDenial 6
Boyfriend calls 911: Operator: What seems To be the problem? Boyfriend: My girlfriend was giving me head and we had a little...accident. Operator: Are there any injuries? Boyfriend: Ok wait let me check...OMG! Operator: What is it!? Boyfriend: It seems my dick Is impaled through my girlfriends head! Operator: Ok, we take fake 911 calls very seriously, I'm ringing the police. *Hangs Up* Boyfriend: Noooooo!
bennyboy111 7
if I tha chick closed her jaw tightly on the sudden impact of tha crash she could hav ripped it clean off
cufaoil 11
I was thinking the same thing good thing she was relaxed and didn't brace herself for impact.... that would have included the clenching of teeth
Icyyy 0
Couldn't he just tell them that when they crashed his head flew .. downwards.. and he suddenly ended up as a gay man with a totaled car and a bleeding dick? O_o
every1luvspuns 0
daaaaaamn ur piercing is ugly!
lionandthelamb61 9
At least you didn't bite off his dick like in The World According to Garp
jharris123abc 0
your hella gorgeous! :P
zareonianwolf 0
that was my first thought, too! I love that movie :D
lionandthelamb61 9
I've never seen the movie, but I love the book!
aleksjai 0
is there a very very angry mother to go with that very very angry father?
deezey 0
so where did his baby gravy go? after the crash did u have his kids all over face?
MetalHead93GB 0
so blunt yet so ******* hilarious xD
shortyshort21 0
rofl. "baby gravy"