Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML
Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
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Top comments
ImmaB3AST 7
what the hell are you? a vacuum cleaner?
chick011 0
Must have been really good?
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Comments (113)
Nublet 10
He's very much past being a virgin. And we've been together for about 6 months and he's gotten at least a ******* a day from me every day we've been together.
Nublet 10
Yes, that's what his doctor said.
20jetsgo 3
U got that Super head
Nublet 10
Well, you suck when you play the harmonica, too...just not quite in the same WAY...
Nublet 10
Some girls would suck really hard if there were a gold ball in there. Would totally change the term "gold digger" to "gold sucker".
loso86 2
U used teeth didn't u?!
mj50 0
aggressively! may be
DerekBlaskie 6
Uuuuuuhhhhh heres my number OP what ever you do must be magical.. 867-5309 Ha, had to ;p
ChrissiPumpkin 10
Did ... did you CHEW on it??
BballHottie34 9
your life sucks