Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML
Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
Today, my boyfriend was breaking up with me because he felt his needs were not met. I asked what I could do to change his mind. He said, "Suck my dick, right now." It got me more turned on than I thought possible. What is wrong with me? FML
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Top comments
sugarbabyxoxo 2
lmfao! Harold and Kumar quotes! ahahahah
deathartisan 0
hahaha. fyl op. but he is a funny guy. you should find a better quote to pull on him if you make him go down on you
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Comments (220)
RebeccaWvvv 0
It may not be a turn on but it is fkn funny haha XD
blademaster23 0
that is a tufn on wtf's ur problem u never gave head befor or sean a porno!!
Oreogasm 5
Did you like the extra sauce?
knockasauras 0
**** your life, Donuts are AWESOME!!!
perdix 31
It would have been really bad if he sang it to the tune of "Play That Funky Music" and added "white boy" at the end. That would have been worse. Sometimes dirty talk can backfire real badly. I was trying to eat this girl out and said, "Ew, this tastes like shit." And she said, "Your tongue is too long!"
ScaryyMary 14
Can you do a sweet Gene Simmons impersonation? Perdix, you get more pimpin' every day! Edit: I also love how you're comment #69. Please tell me you planned that.
perdix 31
Yeah, ScaryyMary, I can lick the tip of my nose! ;)
ScaryyMary 14
What else can you lick the tip of, hmmm?
perdix 31
Snick, you think the image was horrifying, imagine the taste, plus the ugliness of the break-up that took place 30 seconds later. Smary, 69th!! It's a helluva lot funner than FIRST, eh? ;)
ScaryyMary 14
@snickerdoodles But why??? He has so many bitches to slap down, none can satisfy him? @perdix I'm Smary? Smary?!?! What is that? :O
perdix 31
ScaryyMary, I just contracted the name to Smary for speed. Don't worry about snick; I'm just waiting to hear her expert opinion on the questions I posed above. You'd be amazed what my tongue can touch.
perdix 31
Ok, Mary it is then. Did Smary make you think of smegma? What are your opinions to the questions I posed in comment #76?
perdix 31
They have. Where do you think they got the idea for the 5 Dollar Foot Long?
ScaryyMary 14
I currently cannot see the comment in question. Damn FML :P
perdix 31
Just hit reload/refresh a few times. Maybe it'll come up. Nice pic, BTW.
ScaryyMary 14
Thanks :) Oh, I found the question. And I have no idea how to answer.
perdix 31
I think that is the appropriate answer for a 16-year-old. Of course, you wouldn't have been asked those questions if you hadn't been pontificating on the subject like an expert.
ScaryyMary 14
Yeah, but according to her profile, I'm still older than snickerdoodles and you asked her the same question. And I was not pontificating. I was just being a little smartass teenager like I always am. You had to be a perv.
ScaryyMary 14
Did I give you permission to call me Mary? That's MISS Mary to you, bitch! Just kidding ;D
perdix 31
Oh, Mary, you're not the pontificating 16-year-old I was referring to. If your profiles are truthful, you'd both get me imprisoned for equally long sentences.;)
ScaryyMary 14
Don't worry perdix, I won't turn you in. I can't speak for snickerdoodles though. And pendantic, yes, I'm damn scaryy. With two y's.
mark_kardasz 0
that's awesome!
radmuffin 12
Way to spell properly grammar Nazi.
Giorgio272 2
yeah that's right eat his Billy willy.
crazyleggs 0
he didn't sat with extra mayo, so why you complaining?
perdix 31
So, snick, what do you think an attractive thing for a guy to say while you are giving him head would be? I've had good luck with, "You look so pretty with my **** head poking out your cheek.". Was my partner just being polite, or is that really a turn-on?