Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to surprise my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex Tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was naked and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML
Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML
Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML
Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by cooking her dinner. I spent hours preparing and making sure everything was perfect. I lit candles, set the table, and even put on some soft music. When she came home, she'd already eaten and wasn't hungry. FML
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Top comments
chocolatechocha 8
lol@ people thinking she put on a Teddy bear suit. smh
marylovesyou8D 7
She was probably thinking about putting on a teddy bear... teddy confused me too.
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Comments (64)
lollipopXx 0
now that's a good marriage!
mimealot 0
Dinner probably would have been sexier in the first place, the way to a mans heart is through his stomach
angrynegro7 16
Maybe you should have warned your husband that you were a Furry.!
Accept 11
He's obviously not sexually attracted to you anymore YDI
Zlappy 0
This is when you throw back at him with the same amount of sexism. Look him right in the eye and say "A Sandwich & a Beer" Then start yelling at him for not bringing home enough cash, not doing repairs on the house and car himself and for forgetting your anniversary. Then laugh put his bed stuff on the couch and tell him he can come back in the bedroom when he stops being a sexist and realizes that he still loves you. Or ya' know go to the internet and bitch about it instead of confronting him lol!
GotALife 11
What a ******* baser, you offer sex and he farts in your room and say what's for dinner. Must be a pot belly.
fearthesteer 2
you must be a bitch. he got home from work, hungry and gassy. and u gotta eat b4 sex
GotALife 11
#68 the hell he cook it himself....must be a guy then lol no wonder you said that
11colio11 4
WTF is a baser?
Hotwheels23 0
get sexier outfit
WafflesKun 4
Lol I hope it wasnt a dirty sponge ;)
RedPillSucks 33
Who puts on Teddy Pendergrass before sex anyway? YDI
lareske 0
lol you'r correct just grab it. A man is always ready and the grab is a green light for all systems go.