Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
Today, I wrote my boyfriend a sexy letter designed to arouse him. I described what I wanted us to do to each other in the most erotic way. Later, he came up to me and hugged me, saying it was the funniest thing he ever read and he's glad he's in love with a girl with such a great sense of humor. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML
Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML
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Top comments
Mordakai420 6
Damn he likes spaghetti...
jamalamadingdong 18
Well, he can get sex anytime, how often do you cook for him? He's gotta take this opportunity.
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Comments (185)
Mordakai420 6
Damn he likes spaghetti...
TotallyAradical 14
And not nighties.
ittsdann 6
Have you had spaghetti with carbonara sauce? It's amazing. I'd be excited too. Then have sex with her as a thank you.
GoodLookingGeese 10
I do understand him, really.
TotallyAradical 14
I'd make him have sex with me before I cooked for him. Dude's gotta earn it.
iOceanus 18
67 - Or during the cooking! Thats kinky, and it's killing two birds with one stone.
gc327072 31
68-"oh, hate to leave you blue-balled, but I gotta go, the pasta's about to boil over."
TotallyAradical 14
Sex while cooking sounds awful. Maybe a little foreplay to get things flowing, if ya know what I mean.
wannabemom 5
Atleast he didn't tell you a sandwich :)
texashater75 16
Next time try wearing a nightie with spaghetti straps.
Tuffay 14
67 - Under your baby blanket? HaHaHa
hockeychicl003 6
haha :p ^^
ozone9914 2
Hahaha
ittsdann 6
70 - that's my spaghettio O face ;)
kyarush 10
The man wants spaghetti!
TotallyAradical 14
What happens under my baby blanket is no one's business.
jountti 2
You can't argue with the spaghetti!
onlychildFTW 34
Maybe it's the name of some weird sexual thing.
simron_15 3
I've heard of the Spaghetti Style
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Yes 44 - it's real saucy!
ebonyirony 29
48- nah it's actually pretty cheesy for a sex move.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
63 - Fork you!
Krajjan 9
Come on, 84. Take it with a dash of salt and don't let it stick with you. Or is it 'grain'?
gracehi 33
Well, you can try to argue with spaghetti, but I doubt it would be a very lively debate.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
110 - sorry, that was pretty slimy of me. I didn't mean to act like suck a meat(ball)-head.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
such* oops
jamalamadingdong 18
Well, he can get sex anytime, how often do you cook for him? He's gotta take this opportunity.
kiwienne 21
Could be the other way too, honestly :P
spekledworf 18
After reading this I turned to my boyfriend and asked if he'd choose a good meal over sex. He said "Well it depends on the meal"
kiwienne 21
#34 - Hah! What a charming fella! :P
CallMeMcFeelii 14
One of my ex girlfriends would always make me garlic toast after sex. That's when you know you have a keeper. OP could have started boiling the water for the spaghetti, then went back and start heating things up in the bedroom. Win-win situation for each of them.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
So 43, she's a keeper bit also your ex? Perhaps rethink your comment?
CallMeMcFeelii 14
We were dating 3 years ago. A lot of shit can happen within 3 years. It's not like I meant keeper as in I was going to marry her. I was 17 haha. We lasted a year and a few months. Longer than most teenage couples.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
I like how you implied she was a keeper but she is one of your ex girlfriends... LoL Golden.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Yeah "keeper" wasn't the best word I could have used to describe an ex. Oh well, to late to fix it now. 50 pointed that out already 58. A bit to late on that.
green2go 14
It's "BUT" not "bit" 50
evilplatypus 39
85 - Of all the spelling errors in this comment board, you pick up on and point out the one that's obviously a typo and not an actual inability to spell? Really?
walmartpaysme 15
If 85 was correcting the last line of the comment before his, that's not a typo or even wrong for that matter.
evilplatypus 39
He wasn't. He was talking to 50.
Axipiter 24
Had he have mentioned the lack of a second "o" in two of 61's "too"s, he may have been taken more seriously...
Karalela44 15
He can't get sex anytime...well not about a week every month
gman90210 18
Shut up all you spelling nazis jeeze it's just an fml. Not a spelling test or English class
ElatedEarthling 15
Next time, don't even ask. Just jump into seducing him or he probably won't get the hint, he doesn't seem very bright.
iOceanus 18
Or he just reeeeeally wanted some spaghetti.
AKGirlinSD 20
I agree. I just did this to my boyfriend yesterday. When he arrived, his eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store, just by what I was wearing for him. I did it just to see that look on his face. OP's boyfriend doesn't even know how lucky he is to have his girlfriend do all that for him.
icemannn 3
you must make some pretty good carbonara then
ohSNAPyall 27
It's how he likes his eggs.
gfoo 2
You bf sounds funny. Hahaha
mizuki123 8
Spaghetti is amazing! :D. He's a keeper lol
UncleMuscles 5
It must be if a sensual voice made it pop into his head.
mizuki123 8
It's in my head 24/7 :)
unknown_user5566 27
You can still work the situation to your advantage. You could have cooked the meal, and placed the bowl/plate on top of your naked body, and then called him in for dinner. I'm willing to be he'd forget all about eating dinner at that point. :)
KiddNYC1O 22
Your husband is a lucky guy!
Rommel1942 9
What if he pokes her boobs or something with a fork while spinning the spaghetti :O!
Rommel1942 9
What if he pokes her boobs or something with a fork while spinning the spaghetti :O!
Rommel1942 9
Sorry, my app posted that comment twice :(
capper44 18
#38, 39 & 41 she said bowl on her body not straight spaghetti on her body.
unknown_user5566 27
74- That's easily fixed with a small towel or something underneath the plate/bowl.
RedPillSucks 33
Damn. Is it just me that's turned on by all the thought you put into this?
gc327072 31
90- same here, I had the most obvious boner during class. Way to embarrass me, guys.
perdix 31
Sounds sexy, but it could backfire big time. He could slowly eat the food and then go off to watch ESPN, and you're there laying around naked, unfulfilled, un-thanked and covered in tomato sauce and breadcrumbs.
unknown_user5566 27
Perdix, the point was if OP did this, her boyfriend would forget about dinner until AFTER he satisfied her. :)
KaiserSD 8
The point is, is that this guy is obviously a doofus, and thinks more with his stomach than his Johnson. Sorry OP.
jkalmik 5
You are a cool wife!
billyw02 5
I could just see him sitting down and eating the meal before anything started
banman12321 6
Then the food would get cold...kind of a waste.
salvorican 24
You heard him! Go make him some spaghetti woman!! :D
ldoonngg 5
LOL awesome! And better make him some brownies too damnit!
ICastillo 25
Well he needs the carbs for the epic night that lies ahead.