Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to surprise my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex Tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was naked and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML
Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML
Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML
Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by cooking her dinner. I spent hours preparing and making sure everything was perfect. I lit candles, set the table, and even put on some soft music. When she came home, she'd already eaten and wasn't hungry. FML
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Top comments
chocolatechocha 8
lol@ people thinking she put on a Teddy bear suit. smh
marylovesyou8D 7
She was probably thinking about putting on a teddy bear... teddy confused me too.
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Comments (64)
satomi_ishida 0
It might mean he's getting satisfied somewhere else? Who knows :S
cadeissoscene 0
Why would one reject more satisfaction?
evilshade 0
YDI for dressing up as a teddy bear. Its not halloween.
AmericanRedcoat 6
Lol fail
bigphill1333 0
I think he gets his man card.
MissLizWolf 8
Sexy Teddy?
skyeyez9 25
"Teddy" is a slang term for sexy lingerie. Like the kind you buy at Victoria's secret.
monkey_anm13 0
someone finally gets it. ahaha(: some people are so stupid. why would you put on a Teddy bear costume for sex!?.
GRyphonLJJ 0
It is not slang. It is the correct name for a specific article of lingerie.
ArthursLifeSucks 2
Ever seen the movie Super Troopers? nuff said :p
italiangurrl 8
"Victoria's Secret, their stuff is real nice. oh but I can buy the same damn thing on a Walmart shelf half price and still look sexy. just as sexy as those models on TV. No I don't need no designer jeans to make my man want me!" sorry but your comment made this pop into my head lol
bellaxmonkeyx_fml 8
italiangurrl, it's "designer tag", and I don't even listen to that genre of music! Also, "teddy" is not slang. A teddy is an article of clothing; it is a specific type of lingerie. If you aren't 100% sure that your statement is correct, just look it up before you post.
sourgirl101 29
Wow, I'd be disappointed too. Maybe next time you should set the mood by sexy phone calls/sextets, throughout the day. Many guys come home stressed from a hard day of work and need a little time to unwind. Looking at you all dressed up may make you look like another task. I wouldn't take it personal.
ThatLooksSticky 16
your response to "what's for dinner?" me. ;)
hmna 0
^This
Boomshadow 3
Hell, yeah! My response when my wife does this for me is...well, I don't ask about food unless she has a plate of fruit and chocolate on the nightstand or something. :)
kikibisweet 0
Maybe its a sign you need to lose weight.
ckjacques53198 0
he is gay. try grabbing dick
Lia_Mackenzie 4
OP, your phrasing was perfect. That made me laugh so hard there were tears in my eyes - fantastic mental image... I am, however, sorry that your hubby did that. How insulting.