Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to surprise my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex Tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was naked and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML
Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML
Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML
Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by cooking her dinner. I spent hours preparing and making sure everything was perfect. I lit candles, set the table, and even put on some soft music. When she came home, she'd already eaten and wasn't hungry. FML
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Top comments
chocolatechocha 8
lol@ people thinking she put on a Teddy bear suit. smh
marylovesyou8D 7
She was probably thinking about putting on a teddy bear... teddy confused me too.
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Comments (64)
jaahn 5
you should have had dinner ready and given him head while he was eating you dumb bitch
pike1346 3
just grab the ****. no brain work for us
billysama 0
I think people are missing the part about him just getting home from work. It sounds to me like the woman here was being a wee bit inconsiderate.
rkcraig53 0
You're either really ugly or married to a closet gay, or he's gettin it somewhere else, or the WORST CASE, he doesn't like sex, and never really did!
sassy_bunny16 0
I would have said "it's asain food tonight, your eatting p***y" xD
blahzz 4
Oh shit. hahaha. That made me ROTFLMFAO!
Huabra 0
YDI for disgusting him he couldn't take it anymore and farted :)))
aback 5
Works better if you call him up at work and talk sexy to him first, get his motor running. Just make sure he doesn't have the phone on conference call.
overthrownopt 0
******* win! haha
epicWINisFAIL 0
You could of given him dinner AND a show ;D Best way into a mans heart