Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to surprise my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex Tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was naked and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML
Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML
Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML
Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by cooking her dinner. I spent hours preparing and making sure everything was perfect. I lit candles, set the table, and even put on some soft music. When she came home, she'd already eaten and wasn't hungry. FML
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Top comments
chocolatechocha 8
lol@ people thinking she put on a Teddy bear suit. smh
marylovesyou8D 7
She was probably thinking about putting on a teddy bear... teddy confused me too.
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Comments (64)
KingDingALing 9
He obviously has a fart fetish, OP. Play along and let one rip! He'll get more turned on then a hormonal enraged 13 year old boy!
sk3l370n 0
next time lay on the kitchen table with food all over your body
marinaim 17
Next time dress in your teddy, cover yourself in soy sauce and balance pieces of sushi on your body, and fill your orifices with Sake while lying on a table ;D It's a really big thing in Japan!
MiuDiorLouboutin 0
Nice try, that's from Sex And The City.
hidingoutt7 0
You should of said follow me let him watch you cook dinner in your outfit then tease him a little after he's done eating.
DocBastard 40
Marriage has taught me that a wife is like a burrito. It looks nice and hot on the outside, all dressed up and looking delicious. You get all excited at the idea of diving into it. But if you wait too long to get down to business, it turns cold and mushy. Try throwing her in the microwave on high for about 45 seconds. That usually works for me. Um...wait...
lollipopXx 0
you're awesome :)
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Ahahaha Doc I love you
catalystics 2
>"spicing up my husband's and my's sex life" >"my husband's and my's" >"and my's" wut?
hairt 4
that's when you say "me" lol jk
Serr 0
YDI. You should know the conditions/times of day/apparel/actions that will interest your husband by now. Presenting a cookie-cutter sex invitation when he's likely tired from work and hungry is doomed to fail. Be more considerate.
CinnamonJ 4
OP, consider this: you don't always have sex when your husband requests it. It is reasonable to assume that (heaven forbid) there are going to be times when you want sex but your husband isn't in the mood, has a headache or happens to be on his time of the month. The farting and request for dinner is just him asserting his male dominance and you should appreciate him for it, regardless of the foul odour.
DonMonty87 0
so I chuckled when I read your post. I showed it to my wife and her response was, sounds like something you would do. FML