Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "Sexual health products." Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
Today, I received a package addressed to me. Excited, I opened it in front of my whole family. Inside was a box of adult toys that I definitely did not order. Turns out, my friend Mike thought it would be hilarious to send it to me as a joke. My grandma's face will haunt me forever. FML
Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML
Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML
Today, my parents found my box of condoms. I'm 20, so it's no big deal, and they commended my responsibility. What they don't know is I don't talk to any girls, and I bought those condoms to jerk off into. FML
Today, my parents grounded me and told me I can forget about going to prom, Grad Bash, and getting a new car for graduation. My mom was cleaning my room and found a pack of condoms in my dresser drawer. Oh, and they made me call my boyfriend they didn’t know about to tell him it was over, on speaker. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents' house instead. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Today, I gave my mom a shirt as a birthday present. Apparently, she already had the exact same shirt, so asked me for the receipt so she could return it and get a different one. When she read the receipt, she grounded me. I forgot I bought a box of condoms when I bought the shirt. FML
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Top comments
nicolemadden 11
At least you got protection now ;).
HortonThelephant 15
DeNial is not just a river in Egypt!!
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Comments (90)
superdom 12
Sucks my mom would have laughed and yelled at me lol
groovycrazyjoe 18
why did her mom grounded her, she had it all planned out lol. At least she had protection
AbstraktThoughts 13
12: Yes, because every parent wants to know that their kid is having sex... On another note, if you still live with your parents, you're too young to be having sex.
CharresBarkrey 16
Why would she yell at you if she found it funny?
tygerarmy 35
I bet her parents sent it.
ShyAnn29 15
34, I live with my parents, and I'm 31.....so your statement is not true!
chabelo 10
i don't see why is this a fml.. i wish i could get all that stuff for free.. lol
koningmax 7
if you are 31 and still live with your parents, then you should rethink your life
laden_swallow09 35
54- I agree. If 49's parents were living with /her/ on the other hand… entirely different story.
Mr_Satan 11
54/55 - That depends on why she lives with her parents. If she's just staying there for the free ride and not even attemting to make a life for herself, then I would agree. However, her situation could be like my brothers. He's 35 and lives at home, because its impractical for him to have his own place. He travels to a few different places for weeks at a time for the environmental work he does.
hannaaaahr 33
#34, my mother actually bought me condoms to make sure that I was protected. I don't see why the whole world should have an opinion on the age that you are when you are sexually active. Parents should wake up and realize that there is quite a good chance that kids these days have sex and that yelling at them isn't going to stop that.
Coeliacchic93 21
34 ~ I'm 19 and live with my mum, my boyfriend pretty much lives with us, we have been looking for somewhere to live but my health has deteriorated and I would not cope without my mum. That being said she knows my boyfriend and I make love when she's out and she even purposely gives us privacy.
ShyAnn29 15
I live with my parents because of my health issues.
wingedangel123 8
Some people live with their parents because of cultural reasons. In my culture, it would be unthinkable to leave your parents at 18, you'd be expected to live with them until you get married, and even then, some families will still live together. Here, it's only me (17), my siblings and my parents, but back in our birth country (Jordan), it's my grandparents, some of their kids, and their kid's families. Just saying, there's nothing wrong with still living with your family. I'd frown upon those who are only living there to freeload though.
nicolemadden 11
At least you got protection now ;).
chabelo 10
exactly, i don't see why is this a fml.. i wish i could get all that stuff for free.. lol
buckeyed 20
not from the jackass who pulled the prank, apparently
JustAReaderZZZZ 10
At least you were having safe sex, if you were having sex. Talk to your parents, they'll understand hopefully.
HaneenDixon 16
But then her mom will say "intimacy is fine, just not in my house!"
DippinGrizzly907 27
Or in her car 18
AbstraktThoughts 13
31: In 18's FML reference, it was actually the bf's car...
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Well, at least you're prepared to engage in whatever sexual activity your little heart desires. LoL
HortonThelephant 15
DeNial is not just a river in Egypt!!
YouOnlyLoveOnce1 3
Sucks to be you
ilovedinosawers 17
I wish I could thumb down more than once, for your shitty comment, and for your dumb picture.
Coeliacchic93 21
I'd love to give you more than 1 thumbs up 70 for the awesome username!
cwells0430 12
Well don't just waste them.
superdom 12
Whoever keeps marking us down is an ass
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Agreed.
DocBastard 40
Looking for a sure-fire way to get down-voted? Complain about getting down-voted. This public service announcement brought to you by BastardCorp.
DippinGrizzly907 27
Thank you BastardCorp!! Now I know not to whine like #8 when I get down voted :D. You have my vote!
kakarot2 11
Another way to get down voted is to be an ass kisser.
\ 28
Why would a privately-owned corporation make a PSA?
Jemm_fml 29
Hey, you got a free starter kit! Alwaysssssss a bright side. Now get out there and be a horny bunny!
sinn3r76 9
That's hilarious!