Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML
Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
KeinBaum 12
At least she's giving feedback and seems to have quite some humor.
TTowntitan13 8
Actually it's a taco...so I think you were pretty close to doing it right!
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Comments (66)
skyjayq 10
LMAO hey practice makes perfect so tell her u need practice and get more of that *****
Undecidedlime 6
In a way, your life sucks because she was being a little rude. On the other hand, you really need to learn what to do with your mouth, It's very important.
Artemishuntress 8
lol "Jeff the vag killer" sorry op ur name walked into that one
angelofsaturn 23
You do have to go easy on it. Enthusiasm is appreciated but at the same time you don't need to shove your face it. A swollen vag is not a happy vag.
martin8337 36
Not a burrito, a whisker biscuit or a bisker wiscuit.
kimeatszombies 22
I've seen a FML exactly like this one.
thealaskanyoung 14
Write the alphabet, my friend. You'll get there.
birdybirdchirp 18
try FAKE CHOW you never know she might like that.
homes7d 14
Oh my gosh this is the best
mosquito19 14
hmmm......burrito.