Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML
Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
KeinBaum 12
At least she's giving feedback and seems to have quite some humor.
TTowntitan13 8
Actually it's a taco...so I think you were pretty close to doing it right!
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Comments (66)
Callilah 13
Lmao!!!
ZY1431 24
shouldn't it be referred to as a taco? just saying.
ldkindasucks 6
Everyone got so mad at the guy who told his girlfriend the BJ was terrible.. Everyone's getting a laugh outta this girl who was just as harsh about things. We all need to learn to politely instruct, it's the best way to learn what to do in bed, and satisfy each others' needs
Axel5238 29
Agreed, I think the guy watched too much **** and took everything to the letter. Somethings require subtlety and a gentle touch. Though, each woman has preferences some are really into fore play some are not. YDI for trying stuff you saw in a ****, most of that stuff doesn't and will not apply in your sexual life.
TheDoctor10 28
This reminds me of the "it's a dick, not a shotgun" post from a while back.
iMaii 7
ur pp fits with that comment ☺
weveallbeenthere 30
both are good to eat. this made me laugh.
mimm95 3
that's the worst ******* head I ever got in my life! next time don't be so ******* eager! you're awesome if you know what movie thats from.
mister_icicle 17
NBK!
mimm95 3
Yes!!
worldclassrager 41
Next time will it be a tortilla?
FrankHotpants 31
I feel this would of made more sense if she was doing it to him and she was the one treating it like a burrito.
Feverrotes 15
This exact FML was posted several years ago - way to recycle a phony story. Then again, that FML appears to be deleted now, and the fact that I can tell all of this right away is a sign I've been on this site for too long.
ertyert101 10
that comment, it was awesome