Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML
Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
KeinBaum 12
At least she's giving feedback and seems to have quite some humor.
TTowntitan13 8
Actually it's a taco...so I think you were pretty close to doing it right!
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Comments (66)
iMaii 7
omg haha ? good luck... next time?
MaddieDtragedies 8
maybe she was implying something
akostyszyn15 15
this just made my day infinitely better
lucasjames22 8
well listen to her Jeff.
zoelog 10
so calm the **** down Jeff. ydi
randybryant799 21
Yikes. So obviously you don't know what you're doing. Ask her how she likes it. Communication is key.