Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML
Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
KeinBaum 12
At least she's giving feedback and seems to have quite some humor.
TTowntitan13 8
Actually it's a taco...so I think you were pretty close to doing it right!
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Comments (66)
mister_icicle 17
For ****'s sake, Jeff! :-D
Nerdgurl86 18
She should feel lucky that at least you're willing to go down on her. My bf hasn't done that to me for many years now :-(.
deejoy 22
Time for a new bf!
pred8885 14
Poor girl that should be a crime
nandybear 19
Somehow I don't think you'd eat a burrito like that
MrsKilown 20
Haha! I feel the same way most of the time! Some people just don't know how to be gentle!
jdcg116 10
Damn all this talk about burritos and tacos is making me hungry. Thanks guys. :)
cjwayy 22
Damnit, Jeff.
NessieIsNotACat 8
you know what this reminds me of? "I JUST WANNA **** THIS BURRITO" any All Time Low fans out there?
sophienzstein 12
This will forever be my favorite quote.
bgon1350 4
actually it's a type of fish taco.
17eagle 1
I applaud you