Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML
Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me because I still close the door when I go to the bathroom. He pees and poops with the door wide open and expects me to do the same. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend by knocking on her door and kneeling in front of it. I forgot that her door opens outwards. FML
Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me for not closing the door when I pooped. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years drunkenly proposed to me, while sitting on the crapper, with the door open. FML
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Top comments
RyeBreadBoy 0
This can't be true. Everybody knows that girls don't poop. :P
gozar_fml 1
You should sit on her lap and drop one between her legs. After that she will always close the door and lock it.
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Comments (91)
FritoLovesYou 0
She sounds like a keeper.
8trickster8 0
Can you smell the love?!
Eashag 3
Why do women do this? You'll never get your man to go down on you if he sees what goes in and out of that thing before he gets there.
Sappheyes 0
Are you suggesting that girls poop out of their vaginas? o_0
SillyPoop 0
HAHAHA, love this one. Makes Me Love my Boyfriend moooore! We hold conversations while doing business. But yes there has to be some privacy when comeing to wiping time. What comes next is accidentally leaving a big one for the other to see and used tampons not flushed...goodtimes.
sdcrazy1018 0
Um, don't you know you NEVER flush a tampon? Jeez
KayleeFrye 39
Whether or not you can flush tampons depends on what type of septic/sewer system you have. There are plenty of areas where you can safely flush tampons. It's only with certain systems that you can't flush them.
sdcrazy1018 0
Better safe than sorry though
perdix 31
Next time you see her crapping, start singing the "Super Duper Pooper" song. If that doesn't shame her into closing the door each and every time, you've got to get the hell out. If she sings along when she's defecating, you have to run out the door without your stuff and don't stop until your lungs are on fire.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
I just did a youtube search on that. It made me LMAO. If you place both your hands on your knees and say "Are you poopin'? Who's poopin'? Whose a good girl poopin'? You are! You are!" as if talking to a puppy, it may discourage her leaving the door open or pooping in your presence ever again.
perdix 31
You can really take a big gamble and say, "Hey, why are you wasting that nice turd in the toilet? Bring that ol' Cleveland Steamer over here!" If she calls your bluff, you lose.
suesblues 0
If this truly is an FML for you, then you have had a remarkably easy life.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Carlos Mencia has a good insight on this situation (paraphrased): "Women, it is NEVER okay or acceptable to keep the door open when you're doing your business on the toilet! I don't wanna ever see that! I sometimes eat out of that restaurant, if you know what I'm saying."
quarty165 0
But it's perfectly acceptable for men, right? I'd love to be ur gf - oh no, I mean, "restaurant." sheesh, it's not like we're human or anything. And op, get over yourself. This is really not fml worthy.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Once again, it's Carlos Mencia (or whatever his real name is) and it kind of fits the theme of the FML. You're reading too much into it... ...and if I feel the need to take a dump in the open like that, I will. I don't care if you have a bunch of people over to hang out and drink. It's my house and I will defecate in the middle of the living room if I feel like it!
MrPresidentBoss1 0
I would definatly end it, good luck.
FuzzyWalnuts 0
Can anyone say white trash??
avoidthegirl 6
Oh my god, who the hell would EVER think that's ok? Even when my boyfriend and I are married I will never, EVER do that.
sillyzombiekid 0
ive done that "think fast" thing before, they screech like mad xD