Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for two months. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML
Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
delaneyluke 5
Too late to DUMP her now.
ekb777 13
If only childbirth was like taking a big dump..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (102)
delaneyluke 5
Too late to DUMP her now.
Offspring_fml 27
That would be a bit harsh. I don't think that it would be that bad. If you really like her, it shouldn't bother you that much. If anything, go outside while she does that. haha
Morgneer 2
whoosh
Jelbeztok 17
It was a pun
apax 9
lol. It's even capitalised.
adam3650 12
Wow it seems as though this joke went straight down the toilet.
BRLHP 24
I was gonna reply with a whitty comment, but I don't give a crap.
Starrbabie 11
Nice pun
bloody_neko14 8
At least its partice for when she is
Misswildsides 22
*practice Yeah, and when and if that time comes, she'll realize pushing poo is nothing compared to pushing out a baby.
franzanosuke13 7
then again it might just be the infamous "Mud Butt"
linjizzy 6
#3 I love you
PeaceIsFree 9
She might be wanting kids...watch out
MuseFan1991 14
or maybe she just finds pooing boring and finds ways to pass the time. i read personally, but whatever floats your boat...
Matt_greener 8
PUSH!!! I CAN SEE THE HEAD!!!
lordslaya53 14
IT'S CROWNING!!
MuseFan1991 14
how many Kourics was it?
gc327072 31
Now you got me thinking Fat Bastard. "Oh, boyeh, I gah a bih of a castle 'ead pokin out, eh?"
ekb777 13
If only childbirth was like taking a big dump..
21jason 9
It kinda is... It's just a giant 8 pound screaming dump that comes out the ******
netsirkylime2 9
Well... I mean most people do take a dump while giving birth...
Threnody666 19
#71: Is your picture from SWTOR?
BadApple88 29
Sneak laxatives in her food. Then she wont have to push so hard lol Jk
Zebediabolical 45
I once had a girlfriend tell me 'I don't care how big and messy it is, it's still nothing like giving birth'.
olpally 33
She apparently likes crowning her poop with loud noises. Be glad she doesn't text your family what shape it is.
VeganVampyre 27
But this one looked so much more like a banana than the last one!!
perdix 31
So, when she's done, does she wait around for the afterbirth? And, are you starting a college fund for each one? That could work out expensive.
pennies_lane 6
that was shit
perdix 31
#30, isn't this whole discussion, though?
liss0711 10
Perdix, I believe he meant to say " That was THE shit!"