Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Vesi 30
I know a lot of people like cutesy bathroom trash cans but I keep a fully plastic trash can in every bathroom so a person can SIT on the throne and have a can for any upheaval. Comes from a LOT of experience with painful bathroom cramps causing upheavals.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Stomach flu and I'd be willing to bet an inner ear infection too. Horrible combination.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (4)
BurnInDemonFire 39
Stomach flu and I'd be willing to bet an inner ear infection too. Horrible combination.
JackWood 21
What kind of a heathen craps on the floor?
fiat850 20
Judging by the OP's name, someone with the stomach flu? Imagine suddenly getting sick, feeling your stomach turn over and flip, running to the toilet, kneeling down and puking. Do you think that the cramping would also force shit out the other end? Once the logs shoot out the rest is all liquid and you've already soiled the bath mat so no point in holding it in.
Vesi 30
I know a lot of people like cutesy bathroom trash cans but I keep a fully plastic trash can in every bathroom so a person can SIT on the throne and have a can for any upheaval. Comes from a LOT of experience with painful bathroom cramps causing upheavals.
Hangryko 32
Sit on the toilet with a bucket in your lap. Keep one in there in the future.