Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML
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Top comments
Xiktyr 5
Uhh.. switch rooms, man.
jayray313 21
Sounds like your roommate has a crush on you. He only acts on it when the alcohol lowers his inhibitions.
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Comments (97)
vewwe 20
You should try and spoon him when he's sober. Like that he might move out before you have to.
ThongWarrior 17
Kinda sounds like his roommate would rather enjoy it lol
Blueeyes0106 11
Sounds like you need a new roommate.
worldclassrager 41
Hide the Alcohol...or better yet don't allow it in your dorm room...
botanistjessica 24
Who says OP lives in a dorm?
worldclassrager 41
It's a bit more of a universal term...so I figured that would work...
lochie360 9
never seen a dorm room in Australia ;)
ZorroRooster 19
Be careful. You know what they say, spooning leads to forking.
Km1490 20
I think your.roommate is secretly in love with you..
darryaz 9
Doesn't sound like it's such a secret.
JokersHQ 21
Well at least it shows that you're a good friend? Not many people would do that.
Enslaved 38
"Feel the rhythm with your hands (Steal the rhythm while you can) Spoonman"
DrownedMyFish 18
Now you know where to go if you ever feel the need to cuddle with someone!
myeviltwin 20
Don't worry OP. It's only gay if you push back :P Seriously though, I don't care how upset any of my guy friends are I would NEVER spoon with them and would disown them if they asked. And before anyone starts, NO I am not homophobic I just reserve the right not to be groped or touched in an inappropriate manner.
MysticMonkey 9
Sounds like an excuse to get close to you.