Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face", while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
LezBiHonest 7
Theres always room for one more...
hashnasnne 0
god bless your mother
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (141)
LezBiHonest 7
Theres always room for one more...
tellithowitis 13
Share the love!
beachbabe830 0
Not always
fthislyfe 22
Let's hope she's into his girlfriend
keepcaImcarryon 0
this is your mothers way of saying that she approves of your relationship :)
n_epic_fail 14
Momma needs love... Now drunken mamma's need to go lay in bed and preferably have a garbage can near by.
Llamacod 11
But, #27, hopefully not that into op's girlfriend. wink wink
shadystyle 6
she's initiating the threesome
peteyfas 8
Sharing is caring!
mschack24 1
Hahahahahahaha
Crystal55621 19
-80 is that your dog? CUTE!!!!
lilcatisawesome 7
Yep! You know it, dude!!
shazza26 1
77, shudder...
incomple 0
k
hashnasnne 0
god bless your mother
BeefyQueef 5
Too bad god doesn't exist
boofgall 16
Careful beefy, you'll upset the bible thumpers.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Girls just wanna have funn :D
gregorrok1 0
I think OP should have said, "No!!!"
jwade11 12
Can you spell A-W-K-W-A-R-D!!!
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
"hmm AWDWARK...nope"
SkoomaKi 28
Awkwardness FTW!
cosmosis 12
Your comment FTL....
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
Awdwarkness....nope still can't spell it :/
WCARlover 35
She just wants some love...shouldve just moved over for her
milyfesux97 3
Unless she was naked. Then that would be messed up.
WCARlover 35
Well yeah...but if she was naked I imagine that part would've been included in the FML
TwitchingNebula 17
Keepin it in the family....ahhhh yeeah!
cutielilangel 8
Well then... At least she wasn't naked!! :)
chosha_fml 27
For a nasty drunk? Gross.
melissafleming 7
threesome ;)
WCARlover 35
That statement does not warrant a wimpy face
WCARlover 35
Winky* auto correct will be the death of me --_-
p8ntcheck 4
Yay for incest!
cosmosis 12
57- no, just no...
javierb88 3
Candy ass
MedKits 9
57- you just gave paintballers a bad name
ninjuh_wingman 29
I think this would be better if it was someone else. The thought of it being your mom kind of weirded me out.
January8 5
@6: thus it being on FML. Because it is something that would weird someone out. If it were someone else it'd be scrawled on some sticky piece of paper, on it's way to Hustler.
EG14_fml 8
Could've been your grandma...
rhysfucker 24
Or your half brother's grandma's aunt. Too much?
jpoole 4
Ha I saw the other post, funny. She'd have to be like in her 90's.
cosmosis 12
old people need lovin too ;)
beachbabe830 0
Threesome anyone?
flockz 20
this FML all depends on how obese your mother is.
Buttsexpirate 9
Yeah either it'll feel like a body slam from a chihuahua, or a double decker bus.
jpoole 4
THREEESSSOOOMMMEEE!!!!
olpally 33
No.. Just no.. That's just effed up.. not in a million years would you have a three way with your mother..