Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
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Top comments
ActionManly 11
He shows you affection, tries to get intimate, gives you a present, then starts choking over words for you, and all you can do is complain. YDI.
jchansfan 0
WELL THAT JUST BLOWS CHUNKS! =( lol :P
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Comments (38)
Tgump 0
Drunk roommates. FYL!
The_Pleb 0
Pics or it didnt happen
Saccharide 0
FYL. FYL worse if you're not gay. FYL even more if you're not gay and he seriously likes you.
primogen18 0
"I love you man" is one of the most common phrases said by drunk people to friends... so I doubt he's gay.
jchansfan 0
WELL THAT JUST BLOWS CHUNKS! =( lol :P
GR3453m0nk3y 4
wtf is retching!?!?!
amy397123 0
You could have just googled it and saved yourself a heap of time.
jchansfan 0
You see there's a thing called a dictionary, saves time and makes you look less stupid. That or you coulod do a search. Though maybe we expect too much. i mean you aren't even sharp enough to know what retch means sooo.... I'm sorry, I'm being really mean to you for some reason... =(
IgniteMe28 0
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=retching+definition :)
0515_dw_090084 0
I find the irony that you spelled could wrong to delicious not to point out!! ha ha.
jchansfan 0
LOL I know. That typo just bleeds irony.
renaet 0
I find it ironic that you used the wrong "too." And "I find the irony" is also incorrect. It should be "I find it ironic." I used it above just to help you out... :]
jonathanhand 0
lol at the try hard
ActionManly 11
He shows you affection, tries to get intimate, gives you a present, then starts choking over words for you, and all you can do is complain. YDI.
Rayn4u_fml 0
Agreed. What more do you expect from your roomate? You should return the sentiment.
offspringfan122 0
http://ihatejade.com/?id=rd11gjw8473862ae4yfidz6sfqrwau this website is hilarious!
Mx_Rider 6
wow, way to go being a big dick to some guy who didnt know what retching means seriously.. it must be that time of the month for u
GR3453m0nk3y 4
people of FML!!! please do me a favor and go to this site idc what you do there just go to it it doesnt matter if you just open it, let it load, and then close it http://ihatejade.com/?id=c09p6ox5mv731xjodovyh7at3l5zao
bosshaug 0
I always find it strange when 2 FML's are almost exactly alike and there less than 3 days apart
ezycaa 0
so you're saying, bosshaug, that its a rare occasion for people to be sick? plus, the moderators could have just accepted this, this event coulda happened long before the other one!
CH33RL34D3R 0
Why didn't you hug back?
spiker84 0
wow u are hot