Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML
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Top comments
Xiktyr 5
Uhh.. switch rooms, man.
jayray313 21
Sounds like your roommate has a crush on you. He only acts on it when the alcohol lowers his inhibitions.
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Comments (97)
p_nafnaf_fml 12
If you still didn't figure it out : your roommate has a crush on you sir! [okimlieaving^^]
EmmaMK 35
If you're happy with this, carry on. If not, tell him and ask what you can to to avoid it in the future.
edwin1 5
That's creepy in a lot of ways
thefastnfuryass 14
are you and your roommate gay? if so, maybe he's trying to let you know that he's into you.
JoseIsAdork 31
when I feel like I need a hug to make everything better I just take out my fashionable white jacket with the straps that allows me to give myself the best hugs in the world. :)
shazzaam 3
you should try to do the exact same thing on him and se he's on reaction
irritatedone 5
You must not be that opposed to it or you would have done something about it the first time it happened. Just give in to your feelings and plant a wet one right in his lips.
Vlen_fml 20
to quote a dude playing a dude pretending to be another dude: Everyone's gay once in a while.
sirspankalot 11
that is one weird way of showing frustration...
GayBlowjob 15
Not going to lie, but I think that's pretty adorable... and something I would totally do.