Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML
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Top comments
Xiktyr 5
Uhh.. switch rooms, man.
jayray313 21
Sounds like your roommate has a crush on you. He only acts on it when the alcohol lowers his inhibitions.
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Comments (97)
RedPillSucks 33
So, OP. You're the bitch in this relationship, right?
DanielleinDC 34
This is simultaneously an FYL and a YDI. It sucks that you have to deal with that roommate, but if you haven't tried to find a new roomie, YDI. He's going to keep getting drunk, keep assaulting you, and keep demanding that you spoon with him.
Zebediabolical 45
YDI for letting it happen a second (or more) time.
perdix 31
I'll bet his editor informed him that somebody already wrote "A Brief History of Ass." Tell him that he can instead use "Eat. Pray. Ass."
Opheliae 22
I'm dead.
Magman_fml 7
I live to read your comments!! Often funnier than the FMLs
cathrope 10
I just went to the none Mobil site and it says op is a guy, so I'm starting to think that he secretly likes taking it in the ass.
nicky255 9
I guess he plays for your team! lol
gAt_d 26
Seems to me that you enjoy the spooning as well... If not then you should respectfully decline. A good spooning never hurt anyone!
ahh_rats 15
Guy on guy? Yikes
Faeryl_fml 6
Time to find a new room mate. Or just man up and put your foot down
ZorroRooster 19
Or they should both man-up and express their feelings for one another, whether its "Can we just be roommates?" or "Hey, you like dudes and I like dudes. We seem to have hit it off. Lets see where this goes."
FreeChocolate 9
Are you a man or woman? xD