Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, my friend found out his girlfriend was cheating on him. He came to talk to me, and I was happy to help him through this tough time… until he drank a bottle of whiskey by himself. He flew into a drunken rage and started punching holes in the wall and throwing furniture. Now my house is wrecked. FML
Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, I drank half a bottle of tequila and had an edible within 30 minutes. I couldn't remember a thing until this morning when my roommates told me I pissed myself on the couch, projectile vomited in the living room, and went on to fondle my roommates, who also had to help me shower. I have a designated seat on the couch now. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
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Top comments
Subcontinent 14
The fact that you drank half a bottle of vodka suggests you were kinda bothered
jerseygirl94 11
Seems like sober you had a problem and drunk you was just you way of expressing it.
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Comments (37)
Subcontinent 14
The fact that you drank half a bottle of vodka suggests you were kinda bothered
Dave_Davington 34
I think she was already drunk when it happened. She drunk half a bottle of vodka on top everything else she'd had up to that point.
shanson 22
Or she could be in college where that's a normal night
soulreaper12296 28
If drinking half a bottle of Vodka a night is "normal" for you, you've got some problems.
A07 48
And don't forget that you have to get a picture frame to cover the hole in the wall too
thestoryofacaleb 14
Just not of them making out
mariri9206 32
Just a drawing would do, too, like on friends.
jerseygirl94 11
Seems like sober you had a problem and drunk you was just you way of expressing it.
tranced_ 45
what thing?!
capnbzarr 43
Since you're apparently not a native English speaker, I'll explain: Having "a thing" for somebody is another way of saying you have "a crush on" somebody--in other words, being attracted to somebody.
cIouds 15
#28 I like people like you. Because instead of blatantly insulting the individual for not knowing a certain concept (as if expecting EVERYONE to know English), you just cleared things out.
davek 36
I plead the fifth. The fifth of vodka.
kyu_Q 19
the drunk usually says or does what the sober persons feels and thinks. You should try processing things while sober.
renrioku 15
That poor wall... FYL OP, but I think it bothered you more than you think for you to have drank half a bottle of vodka.
watermelon15 35
Don't drink and feel. Very dangerous
lexiieeex3 32
We all do unflattering things when alcohol comes into the equation. Just take it for what it was and hopefully you won't react that way if something similar happens in the future.
Tyrez 32
I think you cared more than you realize.