Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great if it hadn't been a dream, and if the guy in question hadn't been my brother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my brother for the first time in 20 years. Everything was going great, until he tried to make out with me. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML
Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML
Today, after months of trying to make my girlfriend orgasm, she finally did. It was with my brother. I'll definitely knock next time. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
Today, I came home to find my brother making out with my girlfriend while taking a selfie. FML
Today, I finally had an opportunity to flirt with the guy I have a crush on. We danced together all night and everything was going well… too well apparently, because out of nowhere, he kissed my sister, who knew about my crush on him but still kissed him back. FML
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML
Today, I told my ex I was going to bed after a few drinks, and she ended up fucking my brother while I was asleep. What an awakening to hear. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Mightyrif 23
What the actual **** did I just read.
Skycop_S 23
What's fun for the family, involves 2 to 4 people and can result in pleasure? A board game! Everyone is pleased when they win monopoly!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (116)
Mightyrif 23
What the actual **** did I just read.
thawny_fml 21
The family that plays together stays together!
Imnotreallyblack 10
that's terrible #1 CX
teentee401 37
I didn't read the dream part at first and that made this FML twenty times worse.
TMO2142 25
i need a mind bleach..
R2Y2 22
Just one mind bleach? A singular, lone mind bleach? Interesting.
Bunnyluver 20
I don't know why you people think he/she's wrong. It's just like saying, "I need a cure."
TMO2142 25
im a guy
ChristianH39 30
52 because he IS wrong. Your comparison is off, a better one would be asking for "a water" as opposed to "a glass of water."
dbt88 15
I think he meant a bleaching of the mind, not like an actual bottle of bleach for his mind.
Bunnyluver 20
Thank you #91, that's exactly what I meant. I honestly don't understand some of these people. Always quick to pick an argument over little things. People should stop looking at things just their way and putting down others.
stryder9090 28
Eurotrip
Skycop_S 23
What's fun for the family, involves 2 to 4 people and can result in pleasure? A board game! Everyone is pleased when they win monopoly!
slingerslasher 24
oh man, and I was thinking family orgy :(
gamermonster 34
How do you win a game of monopoly?
Danne696 14
Well, with 2-4 players it's also 50-75% likely to lead to anger, frustration and thoughts about murdering that SoB that stole your streets.
capnjacksparrow 7
Monopoly has no winners. It never ends happily.
DRock001 5
nobody wins monopoly. . .
derpyshy 16
I dunno, it usually leads to divorce in my family.
mjtg25 3
after 3-4 days of counting and math bs I doubt it.
mariri9206 32
54 & 56, I really won monopoly once - actually, I completed dominated monopoly. I was playing with my mom and sister and, because I had hotels on Illinois and the like, by the end of the game, I completely bankrupt my mom and sister and owned most of the properties on the board. #noregrets
sandraw1 22
Good for you #76, good for you
sarcasmwins 24
You're lucky it was a dream cos that's ****** up
team_garra 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Explains a lot, you're from Tennessee. Well that ma'am is called incest, and you should not tell anybody about those dreams beside your therapist. I would love to help you find a number that you can call.
Arkham_Callabero 15
I'm no psychic but I predict a lot of downvotes coming your way
R2Y2 22
While I do question OP for having a weird ass dream, you just sound like a douchebag.
mariri9206 32
Dreams have deeper, underlying meanings. This dream doesn't mean that OP has romantic feelings for her brother - it's likely it means something else completely and not have anything to do with romantic feelings. For example, I dreamed my dad my died. The second I woke up, I was freaked out and worried but I knew that dream meanings aren't straightforward like and, so, I looked up the meaning in one of my two dream meanings books (I've had freaky dreams that really freaked me out before so I figured it was handy to have) and it told me that my dream meant my relationship with my dad was changing/had changed. And it was right -our relationship had changed; it was during a time when I was really mad at my dad and I wouldn't talk to him or see him or have anything to do with him. OP, I would definitely invest a dream meaning book or, at least, look it up online; it can really shed some light and make you feel better/at ease. Or, at least, it makes me feel better - I hope, should you look into it, it makes you feel better, too.
HylianBadger 21
Having lived in Tennessee for the last seven years of my life, #6 is not too far off the mark. At least, it was pretty much that way where I graduated high school from. No joke, the prom king and queen my senor year were a couple who were 1st cousins, and yes, they were dating. It wasn't hard for me to graduate with honors in that school. All I had to do was show up.
platnum42 8
You and I must live in different parts of Tennessee, and that's saying something since I live in Appalachia. You must be either from Grundy or Cocke county.
krazy789 28
That's a lil too kinky in my oppinion. How deprived are you?
mariri9206 32
Dream meanings aren't direct like that at all. It DOES NOT mean that OP has romantic feelings for her brother or that she's attracted to him.
Miss_Whipped 43
Also, it's "depraved." Yes, I know I'm being THAT person. *sprinkles knowledge confetti*
jttorkildson 21
I up voted because knowledge confetti. Seriously you rock. But, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, I think they actually meant deprived. As in, she's so hard up - deprived of sex - that she's desperate enough to dream about her brother.
krazy789 28
that's exactly what i was thinking #40
Grisha_fml 18
notice "today for the first time" ? I'm going to say she is a virgin.
dbt88 15
83- you can still be sex-deprived if you're a virgin...
Skycop_S 23
You need help. Seriously.
moniculkin 19
Calm down, it was only a dream, doesn't mean anything.
mrbman 3
I bet her bother could help. ?
kamryno 22
You might not want to mention that to anyone else
BrindonS 10
I don't see what the issue is honestly. No way OP is the only person to ever have a ****** up dream. If she didn't see a problem with the dream, she wouldn't have posted an FML.
TheLostCauseFML 40
Well said!
fakedsincerity 32
That's true. Pretty much everyone's subconscious is ****** up. lol. Sucks the OP will probably remember their dream every time they see their brother though.
mariri9206 32
so true, 58. I had a dream once my dad murdered (I didn't see it - I just knew in my dream) and the murderer was waiting for my sister and I at our house so I made us run before we even entered the house and I was worried my mom was going to come home from work, not realize he was there, and get murdered, too.
catherinecas 30
I know during puberty I had the weirdest goddamn dreams. Barbie orgies, some duck that wanted drugs, and the weirdest sexual dreams ever.