Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I know it’s pathetic to cry after sex, so you can imagine how pathetic I feel when I cry after masturbating, because cleaning my vibrator afterwards just reminds me how long it’s been since I had a man, and how lonely I am. FML
Today, I cried while masturbating because I genuinely couldn't think of a single person that would fuck me in real life. FML
Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML
Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML
Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML
Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML
Today, I noticed that my weekend hobby is crying. I live in a city where I don't have a single friend or relative. FML
Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML
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Top comments
phantumgrey 6
Watch **** and then you'll be in an orgy. No more forever alone
horrorfield 6
That happens to me too :( except I AM a little bitch. Probably why I'm lonely..
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Comments (107)
bishbosh 7
I feel ya OP. Same thing happened to me when I was going through a break up. But I'm a girl so I can get away with it a bit more. I agree with 2035, feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, go out, make new friends and have new experiences. You'll find someone new along the way.
not_a_robot 15
You agree with 2035? I wish I had such impressive skills as to see the future.
Bakarra 22
Apparently somewhere in the near future this thread blows up into the argument for the ages with thousands of fmlers weighing in...
2035 9
Greetings from the future
not_a_robot 15
Many will fall and few will remain victorious. I have started preparing my grammar skills and crappy puns as we speak.
iTag_Skorn 4
Well, look at the bright side. You can use your tears as lube now.
techweed 12
That's just...sad...
Vicanlp 10
"Crying like a little bitch"? Really? I feel bad for you, man, but you lose some of my sympathy for degrading women in that way. Crying is seen as feminine, being a bitch is feminine, and using either one of those against a guy apparently undermines his masculinity so much that it's one of the worst insults a man can suffer. Putting those two together to describe yourself in a state of misery and self-pity? Degrading to women. If you don't want to be so lonely, maybe you should work on that.
DrownedMyFish 18
The word bitch does not always refer to women. Like any other word, it has gained multiple meanings over the years. It is also not as degrading to women as it once was because there are girls that call their selves bitches all the time. It is quite obvious that OP had no intention of degrading women with this FML. You just seem to over think and analyze the smallest things and blow them out of proportion. If you really feel that strong about the usage of the word bitch go complain somewhere else. I can guarantee that zero ***** will be given by the FML community.
OptimusVader 23
Some times I cry like a little bitch too, and I'm a girl. This does not make me an actual bitch, nor would I ever take it as an insult.
DizzyWrong 2
No...just stop, you're doing the most.
lylotrezor 20
I completely agree with you, 20. And to people who think the word bitch is not insulting, I respect your opinion, I just don't think it's realistic. Words do reflect the way we think.
InhumanX 7
Really?.... Life is too short to be spent getting offended by a word. Live, laugh, love, and move on.
Mr_Satan 11
First off, anyone who gets offended by someone insulting themself is an idiot. Secondly, "Crying like a little bitch", means an adult balling their eyes out like a 2 year old who spilled some milk. Has nothing to do with gender to most people. If you take it as degrading women, it's probably because of your own sexist views.
AdventuresInFoam 1
Kill yourself.
jogihoppa8343 23
may be you should search out for someone on FML coz most us here are smart enough to keep you up from being alone n crying..
dwc2134 5
It happens. I was so torn up and depressed after my last ex and I ended things, I couldn't even get it up. Was three months before I was actually in the mood to whack it, much less find a companion to do it for me or do it to.
NewYorkMexPR 14
Lol get a sex doll. Maybe that would help. But dont tell other people or u will be extra forever alone :|
rg350dx 29
Don't whine and sob while you play with your knob! Get a girlfriend, then get a *******!
AnimeBitch 14
Escort service, maybe? You'll feel better, if only for a night
spunkyo5 3
Dude, Come on. Everyone has someone. You have just reached the time in your life when you need to stand up, find time in your life, and find a partner for yourself. I don't care if its from a website, a public encounter, or some freak accident. Dont EVEr get down on yourself for some stupid shit like this. I'm not coming down on you, I'm rooting for you! Go get a girl! Stop the cycle! change your life and become something more!
Epikouros 32
Being ready for a relationship takes more than just finding a warm body to share your life with.
Epikouros 32
And I'm rooting for OP, but I know you don't help depressed people by denying their problems.