Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, my husband came home with his dick pierced. I shrieked in horror and told him to get it away from me. He's now sulking that I won't indulge his weird impulse and am refusing sex until he removes the piercing. FML
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, I walked into my husband's office and accidentally interrupted his business call to tell him dinner was ready. Silly me, I didn’t realize his "business call" included Skyping with his topless ex, with his pants down. FML
Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML
Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML
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Top comments
kyat288 9
Wow, what a dick
SaturnV 25
Kind of a dick move on his part if you ask me.
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Comments (122)
natalia18oo 12
Ahh your poor mom! She will forever be scarred thanks to your dick of a husband!! But it is kinda your own fault for ignoring him so!!
Googolman 29
No pun intended?
jc95sd 3
I can't even think of a way to make fun of you for this...
wvcheesehead 13
Could you not hear him coming?
Drostvorn 4
Why so many uptight? I'd love my wife to stick any part of her on any part of me *almost* any time!
KiddNYC1O 22
Don't you just love Skype?!
narasjbhs 1
Excellent way to grab attention!
Roxas2898 4
Damn, ether you married the wrong guy or your really not giving him the time of day
dlas 5
LOL
noisebox 1
Ya gotta take care of your husband with fifty shades of grey....maybe he wants your mom to join in by trying to show her his dick wad....
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Should've punched him in his hackey sack.